Total Pokemon Island
by Loafazard333
Summary: Absol and Salamence host this rendition of TPI, with 6 contestants from each region! Who will win? Who knows! Rated T for language, references, and situations. Chapter 7 is up, so please read and review!
1. Welcome to Hell

NOTE: Confession Cam dialogue are in italics.

Total Pokemon Island

Chapter 1:

"Welcome to Hell!"

Absol sat on the dock with Salamence.

"Hello!" Absol said, "And welcome to Total Pokemon Island! I'm your host, Absol, and this is my co-host and crappy cook, Salamence!"

"Gee, thanks." Salamence grumbled. "Give this man a trophy for subtlety."

"Anyways," Absol continued, "here's how it will work. 30 Pokemon will serve as contestants, 6 from each region. Each will compete for 1,000,000 Poke in intense and brutal challenges. Whichever team loses the challenge will go to the dreaded campfire ceremony and vote one of their team members off to leave forever. This process will go on until only one person is left standing, making him/her the winner."

"Speaking of him/her…" Salamence announced, "Here comes the first boat!"

The first boat pulls up and out comes a light blue turtle Pokemon with a hard shell on his back.

"Squirtle!" Absol cheered. "Our starter from the Kanto region! I'm guessing they'll bring everyone in National Pokedex order?"

"I guess so." Said Squirtle, waddling over to see the next boat pulling up, revealing a small brown bird with a shot, hooked beak. His underbelly is beige and the tips of his wings are pinkish-red.

"Spearow!" Absol announced.

"There goes an idea for a skydiving challenge…" Salamence moaned.

"We had an idea for a skydiving challenge?" Absol asked.

"Uh…." Salamence said, "Yeah."

"Oh…" Absol said. "That would've been a good idea."

"Uh…." Spearow uttered. "Sorry?"

Spearow fluttered over to Squirtle.

"What's up?" Squirtle asked.

"Nothing much." Spearow replied.

"Next we have…." Absol said, observing the next boat. "It's Vulpix!"

A small, fox-like Pokemon with orange locks and tails got off her boat. Her eyes were pupil-less and her body was a darker shade of orange.

"Oh my god." Vulpix said in disgust. "What a load of…"

"Which leads us to our next camper!" Absol interjected. "It's Geodude!"

A levitating, gray boulder Pokemon got off his boat. He had bulging, rocky eyebrows and five muscular fingers on each hand.

"What's up, guys?" Geodude asked. "I'm so, like, buff!"

"Eww." Vulpix said. "I'd much be back home in Kanto in my mansion."

"Mansion?" Squirtle asked.

"You heard me." Vulpix said with a smirk.

"Next is…." Absol started. "Eevee!"

A small, brown, and furry Pokemon wandered out of her boat. The tip of her tail has a cream color to it.

"Wow." Eevee said in wonder. "This wasn't on the brochure."

"Yeah, well…" Absol said. "We don't have the BEST budget."

"I'm working for minimum wage." Salamence said sadly.

"Don't worry, buddy." Absol said reassuringly. "You'll get to torture the campers soon enough."

"Yay!" Salamence cheered.

"That wasn't on the brochure either." Said Eevee, running in fear.

"The final Kanto Pokemon is….." Absol said with suspense. "…..Kabuto!"

A tan shellfish scuttled off of his boat using it's small, yellow-tan legs. It had two pairs of eyes, one on top of his shell and another underneath the shell.

"Woop woop!" Kabuto cheered. "Kabuto in the hizzay!"

"Woop woop!" Spearow cheered.

"You guys are freaking insane." Vulpix mumbled.

"Now we are waiting for the Johto Pokemon!" Absol announced.

"And look whose coming!" Salamence said.

"It's….."Absol said with suspense. "…. Cyndaquil!"

A mouse-like fire Pokemon scurried out of her boat. Flames erupted from her blue-furred back.

"Hey guys!" Cyndaquil squealed. "I'm so happy to be here!"

"Well we're happy you're here!" Absol said.

"Now go away." Salamence remarked.

"Oh, shut up." Vulpix moaned.

"Whoa…" Spearow swooned. "I think I'm in love."

"With Cyndaquil?" Squirtle asked.

"No," Spearow said.

"Oh. Who, then?" asked Squirtle.

Off the next boat came a green bird with a spherical body with yellow-and-red wings with black stripes and a red crest on the top of her head.

"Natu!" Absol announced.

"Hey!" Natu greeted.

Spearow sighed. "She's wonderful."

"That actually makes sense." Squirtle said.

"What, am I ugly?" Cyndaquil snaped, offended her flames flaring.

"No," Squirtle replied, "It's that they're both birds."

"Oh…" Cyndaquil said, calming down. "Sorry for yelling. I'm self conscious." She adds shyly.

"Aren't we all?" Squirtle assured. Cyndaquil giggles.

"Hi, Spearow!" Spearow blubbered. "I'm Natu! I mean…"

Natu chuckled. "You're funny."

"You hear that?" Spearow asked Squirtle.

"Loud and clear." Squirtle answered, giving him the thumbs up.

"Next up is….." Salamence began.

"Aipom!" Absol shouted.

A purple monkey Pokemon is revealed sleeping on his boat. He had an oval shaped head, a cowlick, big ears, and a three fingered hand on the end of his tail.

Aipom suddenly woke up and shouted, "I didn't do it!"

"What?" Salamence asked.

"Uh…" Aipom said awkwardly, "Just kidding! Hahaha!"

Everyone looked at Aipom in silence.

"Well…. Okay." Said Aipom, walking over to Vulpix. "Hey there."

"Don't even think about it." Vulpix growled.

"What do you mean?" Aipom said innocently. "I was just saying hi."

"Hey, Aipom." Eevee said happily. "I'm Eevee."

"Hi, Eevee," Aipom replied, "I'm Aipom."

"Here comes…" Absol announced. "…. Snubbull!"

A pink bulldog with blue spots on its belly stomped off. Her flat ears had black tips.

"Oh. Mah. Gawd." Snubbull exclaimed. "Like OH MAH GAWD! This place looks like my uncle's giant goiter. And that does not look PRETTY!"

"Okay," Vulpix said to herself. "You have the closet personality to mine."

"Hey, gurl!" Snubbull waved to Vulpix.

"Hey!" Vulpix replied.

"Next up is…." Absol continued, "….. Houndour!"

A dog with short, black fur sauntered off the boat. He had fangs, a dark nose, white bands on his ankles, and a skull hat.

"Hey, guys." Houndour greeted.

"With Tyrogue!" Absol advanced, "The last of our Johto Pokemon!"

A purple pokemon with brown "shorts", "shoes", and a spiky mohawk pops up next to the dog Pokemon.

"Wahoo!" Tyrogue cheered.

"Tyrogue?" Houndour shouted. "How the hell did you get on my boat?"

"I hid in a crate." Tyrogue said innocently with a smile.

"Not cool." Houndour scolded.

"Whatever." Tyrogue said, sauntering over to Spearow and Squirtle.

"Hey, man." Squirtle welcomed. "I'm Squirtle and this is Spearow."

"Hi, Squirtle and Spearow." Tyrogue responded.

"Now for the Hoenn region." Absol announced. "It's our homeland." He adds, signaling to himself and Salamence.

"Here comes….. Torchic!"

An orange bird flitted off of her boat. She was covered in orange and yellow feathers and had yellow talons.

"What's up, guys?" Torchic asked.

"Nothing much." Natu answered.

"Cool, I guess." Torchic remarked.

"Yeah." Natu said.

"Next is…." Absol continued. "…. It's Lotad!"

A blue Pokemon with a green, leafy top and a yellow beak, came off the boat.

"I'm finally here!" Lotad sighed.

"That's wonderful and all," Salamence said, annoyed. "But here comes our next contestant!"

"It's Sableye!" Absol yelled.

A dark purple Pokemon with gemstone eyes and a Sharpedo Tooth necklace came off the boat.

"That's my name." Sableye shrugged. "Don't wear it out."

"Wow, he's so hot!" Cyndaquil whispered to Natu and Torchic.

"How dreamy." Torchic swooned.

"Eh, not really." Natu disregarded.

"Hey, girls." Sableye said. "How are you doing?"

"Amaaaaaaazing, Sableye." Torchic, Vulpix, Snubbull, and Cyndaquil swooned.

"Next is…." Absol announced. "….. Illumise!"

A black and blue firefly fluttered off her boat. She had purple hair and ankle bands.

"Yay!" Illumise cheered. "I'm, like, here now! Yay! Let's throw a, like, party!"

"I'm in LOVE." Kabuto swooned.

"Next up is….." Absol continued. "….. Seviper!"

A scrunched-up snake slithered off the boat. She had yellow hexagons in places on her body, purple scars, and red fangs and bladed tail.

"Hey guysssssssssss." Seviper hissed. "How'sssssssssss it going?"

"Pretty good." Houndour replied. "You?"

"I'm doing ssssssssssssssssssssswell." Seviper hissed back.

"Why do you talk like thisssssssssss?" asked Tyrogue.

"Watch it, busssssssster." Seviper quipped.

"And the final contestant arriving from the Hoenn region is…" Absol began, "Spheal!"

A round, blue, baby-like seal Pokemon hopped off her boat.

"Yahoo!" Spheal cheered. "I can't believe I made it on the show!"

"We can't either." Vulpix uttered.

"Really?" Spheal asked naively. "Me neither!"

"This will be a LONG summer." Vulpix whined.

"I know! It will be so FUN!"

"Go away."

"Now for the Sinnoh region." Salamence announced. "Let's see who will be first!"

"It's…." Absol paused. "…. Turtwig!"

A green, tortise-like Pokemon scuttled off her boat. She had yellow feet and jawbone, plus a twig on her head and a shell on her back.

"What up?" asked Turtwig.

"Fun!" Spheal cheered.

"Angst." Vulpix said.

"Interesting." Turtwig said awkwardly. "Hey look, it's…"

"Don't steal my line!" Absol shouted, annoyed.

"Sorry…." Turtwig apologized.

"Next is Buizel!" Absol continued.

An orange weasel with blue fins, a yellow collar, two tails, and a green tint to his face stumbled off of his boat.

"I'm so dizzy…." Buizel moaned. He ran off his boat and puked off the side of the dock.

"Nasty!" Natu cringed.

"Really?" Torchic yelled.

"I get…" Buizel said, stopping to puke again, then spoke. "Sick very easily."

"A squeamish one, you are!" Spheal laughed.

"Leave him alone!" Cyndaquil scolded.

"Sorry…." Spheal apologized.

"It's…" Absol continued, "Glameow!"

A gray cat with a spring-like tail with a white puff at the end saunters off of her boat. She had white-tipped ears and was chewing a blade of grass.

"Hey, guys." Glameow said with a bit of a Southern drawl.

"Eww." Vulpix said in disgust. "Your one of those Orebourgh people."

"And you're one 'a them Saffron folk." Glameow scoffed.

"And proud of it." Vulpix said.

"Sure." Glameow said with annoyance.

"Next up is Gible!" Absol announced.

A small, pudgy, and blue dragon waddled out of her boat. She had no neck, but she had a mouth full of sharp teeth, two oval-shaped horns, and a single light blue stripe across her back.

"So I'm here!" Gible said with his Midwestern accent. "You betcha!"

"You talk funny." Aipom pointed out.

"So my trainer sounds funny too, don'tcha know?" Gible answered. "Got any pop?"

"Pop?" Aipom asked.

"Uff da! Oh, never mind." Gible ignored. "So I'll stay quiet and watch everyone arrive."

"Next up is Riolu!" Absol announced.

A small blue dog-like Pokemon hopped off of his boat. He had a black "mask", torso, and legs. On the back of his forepaws, he had rounded bumps. He had a yellow collar and a dark blue tail.

"I'm here already?" Riolu asked rhetorically. "I've only trained for a little while."

Tyrogue scoffed. "You think you're so tough, eh? Come at me with all you got!"

"Okay." Riolu said blandly. "FORCE PALM!"

Tyrogue was sent flying off the dock and into the water.

"Arrgh! Glug glug!" Tyrogue flailed. "I misunderstood you!"

"Idiot." Houndour sneered.

"Last for the Sinnoh Pokemon is Croagunk!" Absol cheered.

A dark blue frog with white "bandages" around his waist jumped off his boat.

"Hey, guys." Croagunk wheezed.

"You sound funny." Aipom repeated.

"So, make fun of people, why don'tcha?" Gible shouted.

"Whatever." Croagunk ignored.

"Now for the overrated Unova Pokemon!" Salamence grumbled.

"First up is Oshawott!" Absol announced.

A light-blue otter with a shell on her belly, a white head with blue ears, and a blue tail sauntered off her boat.

"Now that I've gotten here…" Oshawott began.

"…..Followed by Pidove, Drilbur, Darumaka, Zorua, and Golett!" Absol announced.

The Pokemon all shuffled off of their boat (which they shared). Pidove was a small gray bird with a short black beak and spiky hair. The gray Drill Pokemon with blue streaks across his body and giant claws (one was bandaged because he forgot he was on a boat at the time he got it) was known as Drilbur. Darumaka was a red circular Pokemon with three yellow circles on his chest and curly yellow eyebrows. Zorua was a gray fox with red tips on her tuft of hair and her feet. Golett was a blue automaton with brown straps on its body, with a blue square with a yellow swirl in it.

"Come on!" Oshawott screamed. "REALLY? Ruin my entrance? Gee, thanks."

"You're welcome!" Pidove said innocently.

Oshawott gived Pidove the stink eye, and he shuts up.

"Sorry, we have a tight schedule." Absol continued, "Before you go, I want to show you the confessional."

Salamence gestures towards an outhouse with the show's logo on it, and continued. "This is where you go to get things off your chest. Anyone want to try?"

_"Uff da!" Gible exclaimed._

_"I like it." Houndour said. "For a crap house."_

_"Like, totally ew." Snubbull said in disgust._

_"Cool." Golett said simply._

"Pack up, and we'll see you guys later!" Absol said.

"I'm so excited!" Spheal squealed.

"Yeah," Aipom agreed, "Me too!"

"Oh, Arceus." Zorua, Drilbur, and Darumaka said at the same time.


	2. Marathon Maelstrom

Total Pokemon Island

Chapter 2:

"Marathon Maelstrom"

Zorua, Drilbur, Pidove, Golett, and Darumaka were walking to their cabins, when all of the sudden Aipom came running from behind them and knocked them out of his way, dragging Eevee with him. Suitcases and Pokemon flew everywhere.

"Sorry!" Eevee yelled behind her.

"I'm flying!" Aipom yelled.

"No, we are!" Golett screamed.

"Me too!" Pidove cheered.

"Oh, shut up!" Darumaka screamed.

Meanwhile, Cyndaquil and Squirtle were walking with Spearow and Natu.

"So, Cyndy," Squirtle asked, using Cyndaquil nickname, "Who was your trainer?"

"Her name was…. Eh… I can't remember." Cyndaquil replied, startled at the sudden realization. "I don't remember too much of anything, really."

"Oh, Arceus." Natu said. "This is turning out to be just like M.."

"Shhhh!" Squirtle shushed. "There are lawsuits and copyrights everywhere. Don't break the fourth wall for crying out loud!"

"Sorry…" Natu apologized.

"Hey!" Spearow yelled. "Don't talk to my girl like that!"

"Sorry," Squirtle apologized, "I just don't want you guys to get sued."

"Oh." Spearow said, dumbfounded.

Natu blushed at Spearow's naive behavior.

"Who's Sue?" Cyndaquil asked.

Meanwhile-er, Gible, Snubbull, Vulpix, and Spheal were walking together.

"Uff da!" Gible exclaimed. "My feet are killing me, don'tcha know? Why did you want me to walk with you anyway?"

"Just quit complaining and I'll tell you." Vulpix snapped, and then returns to her 'nice girl' stature. "Now, the reason why I wanted you girls to walk with me is so we can form an alliance."

"An alliance?" Spheal asked.

"Yes. An alliance where we will go straight to the Final Four!" Vulpix announced. "So, who's in?"

"I'm all for it, gurl!" Snubbull cheered.

"Me too, ya!" Gible cheered.

"Me four!" Spheal squealed.

"You're a dumb one, gurl." Snubbull said with disgust.

"If we want this alliance to work," Vulpix said impatiently, "you guys need to get along. Or at least not brutally faint each other."

_"As much as I hate the walrus and the ugly shark, and as long as I can stand the bulldog," Vulpix said, "We'll have to work somewhat together to get through this competition! Then I'll beat them all and win! See, folks? This is how you win 1,000,000 Poke."_

_..._

_"Something doesn't seem right, you betcha!" Gible said cautiously. "I'll be in the alliance for the time being, but I'm not sure about the whole game."_

_..._

Meanwhile-est, Kabuto, Illumise, Seviper, and Sableye were walking together.

"Hey, Illumise." Kabuto said shyly. "I like to party too."

"Cool!" Illumise cheered.

"Partiessssssssss are ssssssssssssssuper." Seviper hissed.

"Oh, yeah." Sableye said blandly, not paying any attention.

"Hey, Kabuto." Illumise whispered to Kabuto. "I think Sableye is kind of hot. You think I should ask him out?"

Kabuto responded, "No- I mean…. Er…. I dunno."

"I think I'll take a chance." Illumise said.

Kabuto sighed and walked away.

"Hey, Sableye." Illumise called. "I was wondering…"

"I know what you're asking, and the answer is yes." Sableye replied.

Illumise swooned.

"What? You wanted to carry my stuff, right?" Sableye asked.

"Oh, yeah. Sure." Illumise said sadly.

"Don't give up, sssssssssssisssssssster." Seviper whispers.

Kabuto went to his cabin and caught up with Tyrogue, Houndour, Riolu, and Buizel.

"Hey, guys." Kabuto said sadly.

"Hey, Kabuto." Riolu replied. "Why the long face?"

Kabuto sighed. "Illumise likes Sableye. I like Illumise. I hate love triangles!"

"Nah, man." Tyrouge said. "A love triangle is where two people like one person. Considering we don't know if Sableye likes Illumise, are you suggesting…?"

"Ew! No!" Kabuto shrieked. "Are you serious?"

"We're just saying…" Houndour implied, teasing.

"I'm not gay!" Kabuto screamed.

"We know," Tyrogue said, laughing, "because you like Illumise. But if you also like Sableye…"

"I'm not bisexual either!" Kabuto shouted. "I'm a heterozygous!"

"Do you mean heterosexual?" Houndour asked.

"That's what I said!" Kabuto told them.

"Sure, buddy." Riolu said, leaving the room.

"CAMPERS!" Absol's voice blared over the intercom. "IT'S TIME FOR YOUR FIRST CHALLENGE! MEET ME AT THE SHORE!"

"Aaaaargh!" Houndour screamed, falling out the window of the cabin.

"Ha-ha!" Tyrogue laughed.

"Shut up!" Houndour screamed.

"Nah!" Tyrogue shouted back. "I don't like you."

A few minutes later, everyone was waiting on the shore, waiting for the two hosts. After a few more minutes, they showed up in a PokeKart.

"You're LATE!" Everybody screamed.

"Sorry," Absol said. "We got lost."

"Got lost my.." Vulpix began.

"Anyways," Salamence said. "We should split you guys up into teams!"

"When I call your name, please step forward." Absol said. "Squirtle, Spearow, Eevee, Cyndaquil, Natu, Tyrogue, Lotad, Sableye, Illumise…" Kabuto cursed under his breath. "Buizel, Riolu, Croagunk, Pidove, Darumaka, and Golett! You guys are the Amazing Absols."

"Wow. Really?" Lotad asked sarcastically.

"Really." Absol replied.

"For the Super Salamences," Salamence began, "It'll be the rest of you guys; Vulpix, Geodude, Kabuto, Aipom, Snubbull, Houndour, Torchic, Seviper, Spheal, Turtwig, Glameow, Gible, Oshawott, Drilbur, and Zorua!"

"I'm just so happy!" Spheal cheered.

"It's now time for your challenge!" Salamence continued. "May I do the honors?"

"Certainly." Absol replied.

Salamence pushed a button and a giant electric sign popped out of the ground and flashed, "MARATHON OF DEATH!"

Salamence grumbled to Absol, "I would've like 'Marathon Maelstrom' or 'Marathon Mania', but this works to, I guess."

"The rules are obvious." Absol continued, ignoring Salamence. "First on to finish 1 lap around the island wins!"

"A whole lap?" Croagunk wheezed. "I don't think I'm up for it."

"Too bad!" Absol replied.

"On your marks." Salamence said.

"Get set." Absol added.

"GOOOOOOOO!" Absol and Salamence yelled together.

Everyone started running with Aipom, Spearow, Sableye, Natu, Riolu, Eevee, and Illumise in the front, and Croagunk, Geodude, Darumaka, Spheal, Turtwig, Lotad, Snubbull, and Golett in the back. Everyone else was in the middle, having about the same running speed.

"Stupid broken claw." Drilbur cursed, running medium speed.

"Aaaaaaand they're OFF!" Absol yelled into a megaphone. "And look at them go! Wow, can I run that fast? I don't know or care!"

Vulpix ran next to Darumaka and Geodude. Suddenly, she had a plan.

"Thank you, Daphne, for giving me those ventriloquist lessons." Vulpix whispered, referring to her trainer. She did her best Geodude impression and said, "Hey, Eyebrows! Your mama's so fat, she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack!"

"What was that?" Darumaka yelled at Geodude.

"What?" Geodude asked. "I was just looking at my beautiful biceps."

"Well, eat this!" Darumaka yelled back. "Fire Fang!"

"Whoa!" Geodude yelled, trying to dodge the attack. "Take this! ROCK THROW!"

"Watch it, buster!" Zorua yelled, falling backwards into a trap that caused her to fall into the ground.

Geodude and Darumaka threw each other into an explosive, which goes off.

Vulpix chuckled to herself and ran on. "Piece of cake."

Aipom sped ahead with Spearow in hot pursuit. Spearow tried to fly above Aipom, but Aipom dashed ahead, causing Spearow to crash to the ground.

"Spearow!" Natu yelled, scared.

"I'm okay." Spearow said, about to fly off when another explosive blew up and dazed him. "Still okay!"

Riolu sped by. "See you in the winner's circle!"

Natu sighed.

Golett was running and saw Darumaka fighting Geodude. He ran over and yanked Darumaka from the fight, put him in a wheelbarrow he found lying near the water, and ran off.

"Stay out of this!" Geodude yelled. "It's personal!"

"Grow up, stupid rock." Golett retorted.

Croagunk wheezed as he ran. "I…. can't... Go... On.. Much... LONGER!"

Suddenly Croagunk fainted. Golett came and picked him up.

"Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?" Golett shouted.

Lotad, who was lying on the ground with a twisted ankle, shouted to him. "Would you mind…?"

"Hop on." Golett said sarcastically.

"I can't." Lotad replied.

"You know what I mean." Golett said, picking her up, putting her in the wheelbarrow, and trooping on.

Meanwhile, Squirtle and Cyndaquil were talking as they ran.

"I had no idea you liked Bayleef Spears!" Squirtle panted. "I thought you lost your memory!"

"She's good, but she needs to evolve a bit." Cyndaquil said. "And Natu introduced me to her. Possibly again."

"I think the same thing." Squirtle said happily. "My favorite song from her is 'Crit Me Baby One More Time'!"

"I love that song!" Cyndaquil cheered.

"OUT OF MY WAY, LOSERS!" Vulpix yelled, charging through. Suddenly, she stepped on a mine and blew up.

"Whoa!" Squirtle yelled. "That was brutal!"

"Who is she again?" Cyndaquil asked.

_"Ouch." Vulpix says with sorrow._

_..._

Meanwhile, Golett was wheeling Lotad, Croagunk, and Darumaka.

"You guys are heavy." Golett lamented.

"Then why are you carrying us?" Lotad asked.

"Because you guys are on my team." Golett said. "It'd be wrong not to."

Suddenly, Golett tripped on a tripwire and caused him and the injured contestants to fly backwards.

Meanwhile, Absol and Salamence were sitting around, having no idea what was going on.

"Who do you think will win?" Absol asked Salamence.

"I'm thinking Aipom." Salamence said.

"Biased."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Who do you think will win?"

"It'll be Spearow."

"No way."

"Oh YEAH? What makes you so sure?"

"The fact that Aipom's the fastest Pokemon here other than me."

"I bet you 50 poke!"

"You're on!"

"Bull… Oh look, they're coming around the bend! And the winner is….. AIPOM?"

"In your face!" Salamence cheered. Grumbling, Absol proceeded to take a few bucks out of his pocket. "Cha CHING! Looks like the Absols are going to the campfire!"

"YAY!" Aipom cheered. "I WON!"

"Good job!" Eevee said, kissing him on the cheek. Aipom fainted.

"I was so close!" Spearow sulked, kicking a talon into the dirt.

"You did good, man." Squirtle said.

"It's okay, hon." Natu cooed. Spearow faked a smile and waddled off. Natu sighed again.

_"I feel so bad for him." Natu said with sorrow. "I wish I could say something to make it all better. God this is so….."_

_"DON'T SAY IT!" Squirtle shrieked from outside._

_"Sorry!" Natu yelled back. "I forgot!"_

Absol stood at the campfire ceremony with a plate topped with Sooth Bells.

"Hey, campers." Absol said with anguish. "Or should I say failures! If you idiots don't get a Sooth Ball, go home. Forever."

"Sire, it's called a Sooth BELL, not ball." Pidove corrected.

"Whatever!" Absol shooed. "The first marshmallow goes to Spearow."

"Yes!" Spearow cheered, catching his bell.

"But he lost the game for us!" Croagunk said.

"Says the guy who 'Can't….. Go….. On….. Much…. Longer!'" Tyrogue imitated, falling backwards and laughing.

"Shut up." Croagunk seethed.

"Next marshmallows go to Riolu, Tyrogue, Squirtle, Eevee, Cyndaquil, Natu, Sableye, Illumise, Buizel…." Buizel ran off to puke, then accepted his bell, "Pidove, and Croagunk!"

"Yes!" Buizel blubbered. "That run made me nauseous."

"Sure did." Said Lotad, scooting away.

"What?" Buizel asked. "Is it something I said?"

"The final three." Absol continued. "Lotad, Darumaka, and Golett. Golett, you sacrificed yourself to save your other teams. Stupid move, buddy. Darumaka, you got mad over your mom. Also a stupid move. Lotad, you're safe."

"Yes!" Lotad cheered.

"The final Sooth Bell goes to… Golett!"

"Crap." Darumaka said.

"Sorry, man." Golett said.

_"Ah, bummer." Darumaka bemoaned. "First out? This sucks. Oh well, I cost my team the win for not holding in my feelings. Besides, I later found out that Geodude really didn't insult my mom. If only I could relive the past 24 hours and fix everything. Anyways, who I'd pick for the winner, I guess Spearow and Squirtle, because they seem like they would win and if they do, I have no regrets. Bye, island. It's been great, but I don't have what it takes."_

Darumaka got on his boat as Absol announced to the camera, "That about wraps it up! See you next time on Total Pokemon Island!"


	3. PokeStars!

(NOTE: This episode is REALLY long, so get comfortable)

Total Pokemon Island

Chapter 3:

"PokeStars!"

Absol sat on the dock with Salamence and began to recap the last episode. "Last time, on Total Pokemon Island, the campers got comfy and were separated into teams, the Amazing Absols, and the Suck-ish Salamences."

"SUPER Salamences!" Salamence interjected.

"Right," Absol remembered. "the Stupid Salamences."

"Very funny." Salamence growled.

"Anyways, the challenge was to run a marathon around the island with explosives and other painful goodness. Spearow tried hard to win, but was defeated by Aipom, sadly enough. The Awesome….."

"Abysmal Absols." Salamence added.

"…Went to the campfire ceremony and voted off Darumaka for getting mad at Geodude for making fun of his mom, which was really Vulpix imitating Geodude. Sad, I thought he would have been a tough one to beat. Just goes to show…"

"That your team sucks!" Salamence cheered.

"Must you be so vague?" Absol snarled. "Let's see Salamence's team lose on Total…. Pokemon… Island!"

"In your dreams, bro."

"Do you want me to lower your paycheck? Because that CAN be arranged."

_..._

_"Well, considering that I barely talked or did anything in the last episode," Drilbur __began, "I feel as if I should tell a little about myself. I'm Drillbur, I'm 16, and I only __signed up for the money for my sister's surgery….. she had appendicitis. Bet you didn't __know Pokemon had appendixes, eh? Except for Darkrais and Misdreavuses. Anyways, __everyone says I'm one of the nicest people ever meet. I guess I am pretty nice, huh?"_

_Suddenly a rapping is heard outside the outhouse._

_"Hey! Hurry up!" Vulpix called._

_"Wait your turn, you bitch!" Drilbur shrieked. "Now, where was I?"_

_..._

Pidove woke up the earliest out of all of his fellow cabin mates, considering that his cabin mates are Golett, Croagunk, and Sableye.

"Hey, guys!" Pidove shouted. "It's 7 AM, already!"

"Dude, go back to bed!" Golett mumbled.

"I wake up after noon, bro." Sableye muttered. Croagunk was still asleep.

"Sorry, I'm not used to you lazy bums, that's all." Pidove said to himself.

"Watch it." Sableye snapped.

Golett mumbled some more and went back to sleep.

Meanwhile in the next room, Squirtle and Spearow sat talking about their relationships.

"I wonder why she can't remember anything." Squirtle wondered.

"She called me funny!" Spearow crowed.

"Does she have amnesia or something?" Squirtle continued.

"We were destined to be together!" Spearow squawked.

"No matter, I still love her." Squirtle said bashfully.

"Our kids will be name Samantha and Xavier!" Spearow dreamed.

"Aren't those human names?" Squirtle inquired.

"So?" Spearow replied. "Mine was Flyboy. I don't see much of a difference."

Suddenly, a trumpeting was heard outside. Croagunk was heard hitting his head in the next room. A muffled cry was heard.

"WAKE UP CAMPERS!" Absol blared through a megaphone. "IT'S TIME FOR YOUR NEXT CHALLENGE! CHALLENGE NUMBRE DOS! COME OUTSIDE IMMEDIATELY!" Absol continued.

"If only I had five more minutes….." Vulpix muttered.

"Sorry, but no." Salamence said as he appeared. "Now out you go!"

Salamence dragged Vulpix outside. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Today's challenge is to make a PokeTube video for the Region Wide Web!" Absol continued, paying no attention to Salamence and Vulpix.

"Cool!" Tyrogue cheered.

"Great." Houndour moaned.

"But we don't have video cameras!" Riolu alluded.

"That's why we rented some!" Absol announced.

"Because we're that rich!" Salamence added, sauntering over to Absol.

"You call THAT dealing with Vulpix?" Absol adverted, gesturing towards Vulpix, who had been duct-taped to a lawn chair.

"If I ever get out of this, you'll be sorry!" Vulpix shrieked.

"NOOOOO!" Spheal screamed.

"Uh…." Salamence thought.

"You need more duct tape, silly!" Absol clarified, taking out some duct tape and walking over to Vulpix.

"Get that away from me," Vulpix dithered, "Or when I get out of this I will shove that up your tiny little…"

With a quick movement, Absol duct-taped Vulpix's mouth shut. Vulpix started to jump around.

"Oh no!" Squirtle yelped.

"What will we do?" Spearow cried.

"HYPNOSIS!" Glameow screeched as she used the move. Vulpix immediately fell asleep.

"That'll show her!" Geodude cheered.

"Three words: Vic-tur-y." Glameow muttered.

_"I'm still mad at Vulpix for making me attack Darumaka." said Geodude. "We were just beginning to become friends. You know, I think I have an idea."_

"This is how it will work." Absol began. "Each of you will split yourselves into groups of 3s and 4s. All group members must be on the same team. You can do a video of anything, and it has to be less than 10 minutes. The winners of the challenge will get their video posted on PokeTube, and just might become PokeStars. If they become famous, we will allow them to film their videos, but don't let the filming become conflicting with the challenges or you will automatically will be in the bottom four or five for that challenge. Now that we've covered all of that, grab a camera and get started!"

"Oh no!" Snubbull cried, running over to her. Gible and Spheal did the same.

"She'll wake up in a few turns." Glameow said calmly.

"THIS ISN'T A BATTLE, YOU IDIOT!" Gible, Snubbull, and Spheal shouted.

"Then she'll wake up in a lil' while." Glameow compromised, still calm.

"Lil'?" Spheal asked. "You're talking funny again!"

"Yeah, lil'." Glameow said. She walked off, leaving the trio to watch over Vulpix.

"What do we do now, ya know?" Gible asked.

Meanwhile, Squirtle, Spearow, Natu, and Cyndaquil were thinking of an idea for a video.

"Maybe it could be a parody." Natu suggested.

"Good thinking." Cyndaquil agreed. "We're on the right track. Now, what shall we parody?"

"First, we need to know if we're parodying a movie, show, etc." Spearow interjected.

"I say movie." Squirtle said.

"All in favor of a movie say 'Ay.'" Spearow said.

"Ay." Everyone (including Spearow) said in unison.

"Which human movie?" asked Squirtle.

"The Matrix?" Natu suggested.

"The what?" Cyndaquil asked.

"The Matrix." Natu said. "You know, the movie with those humans that defy all laws of nature?"

"Well, they can do that because they know the matrix is all in their heads." Squirtle said. "I've seen the movie 12 times, it's my favorite."

"All those in favor…" Spearow began.

"Ay." Everyone but Spearow said.

"I would've rather done The Godfather, but The Matrix is good. Ay."

"Sweet." Squirtle cheered.

"What's the Godfather?" Cyndaquil asked.

Over near the mess hall, Tyrogue, Riolu, Croagunk, and Golett planned to do a short documentary about why the cooks who worked there were frauds.

"Guys, I already told you that I'm a bad actor!" Croagunk whined.

"It's a documentary." Tyrogue said. "You don't need to act."

"Whatever you say, director." Croagunk worried.

"So what's the plan again?" Golett asked.

Tyrogue began, "Riolu is going to sneak in the kitchen with you, the cameraman, to see the cooks prepare the food for tonight's dinner. Then, Croagunk here will read some lines from a cue card. Finally, I will interview the head cook, Kangaskhan."

"Even her name intimidates." Golett shuddered.

"Tell me again, why am I going into the kitchen with the cameraman? That makes no sense."

"It's either that or you're voted off." Tyrogue esteemed, completely changing demeanor from his happy self to an austere attitude. "Your choice."

"Good point." Riolu responded, not even flinching. "But let me remind you that no one declared you the director, or suggested that we do a documentary about crappy chefs, that was all you."

"So?" Tyrogue asked, his air damaged slightly.

"May I also remind you that I can easily defeat you?" Riolu put forth.

"Fine, you don't have to go into the kitchen." Tyrogue said, nervously.

"Which is why YOU will." Riolu smirked.

"Why should I, and what if I say 'no'?"

"You should because I say so, and if you don't, you don't want to know what I will do with you. It includes blackmail beyond your wildest dreams."

"Fine, I'll do it. But does that mean you'll do the interview?"

"Yes, it does."

"I guess that's okay with me."

"I guess it is."

"Guys!" Croagunk shouted. "It's nice to see that you guys are friends and all, but if you don't mind, I would like to start filming now!"

"Good idea!" Golett said emphatically.

"Alright, team!" Tyrogue began. "Let's do this!"

"Oh, Arceus." Riolu, Golett, and Croagunk mumbled.

While this drama goes on, Drilbur, Zorua, Kabuto, and Aipom were filming their video, which was an infomercial about the RageCandyBar.

"And….. ACTION!" Zorua yelled from her chair.

"Has this ever happened to you?" Aipom asked the camera.

"Oh no!" Kabuto droned, dressed up in a PokeTrainer outfit. "My Pokemon fainted when I tried to battle the Elite Four!"

"CUT!" Zorua yelled. "Kabuto, you sound bored!"

"I'm sorry." Kabuto said dismally. "I'm just bummed because Illumise likes Sableye."

"Well, that sucks and all, but we've got a video to do." Zorua said sincerely. "So you just got to suck it up and deal with it, as bad as that sounds. Aaaaand…. ACTION!"

Sableye, Illumise, and Eevee were over by the dock to film, except they couldn't decide what to film.

"Film me." Sableye suggested.

"Okay!" Illumise swooned.

"No… Something more interesting." Eevee pondered.

"What could be more interesting then me?" Sableye asked, offended.

"Well, you're good looking and all, but that won't get us many video ideas if we make it in the industry."

"Come on, Eevee!" Illumise begged. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

"FINE." Eevee complied, reluctantly. "We can film Sableye."

"Yay!" Illumise cheered.

"Let's get started then, ladies."

Geodude, Houndour, Seviper, and Glameow finally finish filming their video.

"Yessssssssssss!" Seviper cheered. "We did it!"

"Totally awesome!" Geodude cheered.

"Geodude?" Glameow asked.

"Yeah?" Geodude replied.

"You left the cover up thingy on." Glameow said.

"What?" Geodude asked.

"YOU IDIOT, YOU LEFT THE LENS CAP ON!" Houndour screamed.

"Aw, shhhhhhucks." Seviper hissed.

"Now we need to start all over again!" Houndour lamented.

"Or not." Glameow slowly said.

"Are you on to ssssssssssomething, Glameow?" Seviper slithered.

"I think I am." Glameow grinned.

"Well, if we don't do a good video, it's all on your head." Houndour reminded her.

Meanwhile, Lotad, Buizel, and Pidove were filming their music video.

"THE BOYS ARBOK IN TOOOOWN!" Buizel sung. "THE BOYS- Uh oh, I feel it coming up!"

"Oh no!" Lotad worried.

"TAKE COVER!" Pidove fluttered.

Buizel ran and puked in a nearby bush.

"CUT!" Lotad yelled.

"I'm sorry." Buizel apologized. "I still haven't gotten over my seasickness."

"Well, try and hold it down for a few more takes." Pidove suggested.

The final group, Turtwig, Torchic, and Oshawott were finishing up a video when Torchic burped and set Turtwig on fire.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!" Turtwig shouted.

Oshawott sprayed Turtwig with some water.

"I'm SOOOOOOO sorry!" Torchic apologized.

"Good grief." Oshawott groaned.

"I have an idea!" Turtwig announced. "We should make this video a COMEDY!"

"Isn't that what we're doing?" Oshawott asked.

"Oh yeah." Turtwig said.

"Alright, let's get back to business." Torchic adverted.

"Let's do it." Oshawott said.

"ACTION!" Torchic shouted.

After a while, all of the campers met in the auditorium to show their videos. First, Squirtle's group showed their video.

Squirtle (dressed up as Neo) beat a bunch of agents up and defies laws of nature. Cyndaquil (dressed up as Trinity), Spearow (dressed up as Morpheus), and Natu (dressed up as Cypher) helped Squirtle (Neo) out.

"ACTION. YEAH!" Spearow narrated. "ADVENTURE! YEAH! KISSING! OH YEAH! THE MATRIX!"

"DOO WOP!" Natu and Cyndaquil belted in great harmony.

THE MATRIX appeared on the screen, and the video ended. Absol and Salamence were left sitting in silence.

"Uh…. Nice harmony." Absol began.

"Thanks!" said Squirtle.

Next, Tyrogue's group showed their video.

"Follow me!" Tyrogue said to Golett (who is holding the camera) as they snuck into the kitchen. Suddenly, a loud voice was heard.

"What in the SAM HILL was that?"

"RUN!" Tyrogue whispered.

"RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" Golett fizzed.

"The cooks are….. Very…. Bad cooks." Repeated Croagunk nervously.

"READ THE CUE CARDS!" Golett fizzled.

"Let's…. Take a look….. Into their…. Horrible lives." Croagunk continued.

"So, Kangaskhan." Riolu began. "You are…. A cook, am I right?"

"No, I'm a hooker." Kangaskhan said sarcastically. "Of course I'm a cook, you idiot."

"Sorry, I'm a little nervous." Riolu apologized. "When did you become a cook?"

"A few weeks ago." Kangaskhan answered. "I took a one hour course, and I was the top of my class. Then I saw an ad for this show, and I took it up."

"Cool. Now…"

"What is this for?"

"UH….. NOTHING…."

"Am I getting paid?"

"OH GOD, LET'S GET OUT OF HE…"

The video abruptly ended.

"Sorry, but our cooks are fine." Absol said.

"DANGIT!" Tyrogue, Riolu, Golett, and Croagunk cursed.

Next, the RageCandyBar commercial began.

"Has THIS ever happened to YOU?" Aipom asked the camera.

"Oh no!" Kabuto (as the Poke Trainer) rued. "My Pokemon fainted when I tried to beat the Elite Four!"

"Well, look no further!" Aipom continued. "Thanks to the RAGCANDYBAR you will never not NOT let your Pokemon faint EVER AGAIN!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAT?" Zorua wondered off the screen.

"YOU HEARD ME!" Aipom shouted. "Anyways, this amazing new invention gives you Pokemon 20 HP! That's right! 20 HP! Look at these satisfied customers!"

"My Pokemon didn't faint when I….." Drilbur began. "Wait a minute, can't you just use a Hyper Po…"

"Don't they look happy?" Aipom asked the camera. "You can be too with the RAGECANDYBAR!"

Zorua's super-fast voiceover was heard while Aipom was shown defeating the "Elite Four".

"The RageCandyBar is very cool, but still 100 Poke, so don't be a cheap wad. The RageCandyBar does NOT protect against STD's, pedophiles, or any other diseases, disorders, or creepy people with mustaches that stalk you. Do not use if you have heart failure, schizophrenia, or ass cancer."

ORDER NOW was shown on the screen as the video ended.

"That was funny and all, but Hyper Potions ARE better." Salamence pointed out.

"Darn." Aipom and Zorua bemoaned.

Next, The Boys Arbok in Town music video was shown. To sum things up, it was so bad, it doesn't need to be summed up. It was so bad, that the entire audience was speechless.

"We love you all!" Pidove cheered.

"SHUT UP." Lotad and Buizel commanded.

The next video was the Sableye video.

"Hey ladies." Sableye said to the camera, bored. "I want to be the new Old Spice guy, as oxymoronic as that sounds. But I'm hot enough to get it anyway, right, girls?

"Right, Sableye!" Illumise swooned.

"Mmhmm…." Eevee mumbled, looking away.

"Adios, madres caliente." Sableye whispered softly to the camera, blowing a kiss.

The video ended, and a big majority of the females on the show have all fainted.

"DEEEElightful." Zorua said quietly, immune to Sableye's charm.

"I think I'm going to be sick again!" Buizel gargled, running off to pray to the porcelain gods.

The next video was the improvised video by Geodude's group, who sang "There's No People like Show People", until Seviper attempted to do a Rockette kick, which rocketed (see what I did there?) her into a wall.

"TURN IT OFF!" Houndour shouted over the music and singing. The video was then cut short.

"We didn't have time to edit anythin'." Glameow explained.

"Oh." Absol responded simply. "Get better soon, Seviper."

"Thanksssssssssss." The bandaged Seviper hissed, slithering behind the other members of the team, exclaiming in pain the whole way.

The next to last video shown was the Type Trio, Episode 1: Trainer-less! The whole video was about the three Pokemon (Turtwig, Torchic, and Oshawott) escaping their labs and teaming up to become Level 100 Pokemon and enter the not-so-famous Pokemon Hall of Fame.

"That was actually not that bad." Salamence answered honestly. "Good job."

"Now it's your turn, Team Vulpix!" Absol announced.

No answer.

"Hello?" Absol shouted. "TEAM VULPIX?"

Suddenly, they burst through the door.

"Damn!" Gible cussed.

"We forgot to make a video!" Snubbull cried.

"We were too busy trying to wake Vulpix up!" Spheal whined.

"Milkshakes….." Vulpix stumbled.

"I guess that means that The Type Trio wins!" Absol cheered.

"HOORAY!" The Type Trio cheered.

"At least you guys are on the same team." Salamence reassured. He then turned to Absol. "MY TEAM! HA!"

"Shut up. My team, it's campfire time."

"Come on..." Lotad muttered.

"Pixie dust!" Vulpix slurred before falling on her face.

At the campfire ceremony, Absol held the Sooth Bells.

"Okay, you know the drill. If you don't get a Sooth Bell, you are out. The first Sooth Bell goes to… Golett."

"Yes!" Golett cheered.

"Why him?" Eevee asked.

"I admire his camerawork." Absol said simply. "Next Sooth Bells go to Squirtle, Spearow, Eevee, Lotad, Sableye, Cyndaquil, Natu, Illumise, Buizel, and Pidove. The final three. Croagunk, you suck at reading from cue cards. Riolu, you are a stuck-up, bossy jerk. And Tyrogue, you are too, at times. The next Sooth Bell goes to…. Riolu."

"Yes!" Riolu cheered. He then raspberried in Tyrogue's face and got his Sooth Bell.

"The final Sooth Bell goes to… Tyrogue."

"Booyah!" Tyrogue cheered. He went over to Absol, claimed his Sooth Bell, and raspberried right back in Riolu's face.

"Well, this sucks." Croagunk said, leaving for the boat.

_"Aw man, how could I get voted off so early?" Croagunk cried. "Whatever. I don't care who wins, I just want to get out of here. Good riddance, Total Pokemon Island."_

"See you next time on TOTAL POKEMON ISLAND!"


	4. Hanging Ten In Some Cases

Total Pokemon Island

Episode 4:

"Hanging Ten (Literally)"

Darumaka woke up slowly one morning, rubbing his head.

"Great..." he mumbled, "Another day, ALONE, here at Loser Central."

He got out of bead, ate a few Poffins, and went onto the dock of the Loser Island (that's what the hosts called it) to watch the sea. Suddenly, a boat pulled onto the dock, dropping off Croagunk.

"Croagunk?" Darumaka asked. "Is that you?"

"Darumaka!" Croagunk cheered. "Old buddy, old pal!"

They shared a brotherly (yet short) hug and catch up on what has happened.

"I've been alone here for a week." Darumaka lamented. "What about you?"

"I got kicked off the show because I couldn't read cue cards." Croagunk moaned.

"Come again?" Darumaka asked.

Croagunk clarifies and talks about the last challenge.

"A video challenge?" Darumaka wondered. "Doesn't that seem a bit... easy?"

"Sort of." Croagunk elaborated. "Except if you can't act... which is what I said on my AUDITION TAPE! God, I'm an IDIOT!"

"What's this?" Darumaka realized, walking over to a TV. "It's a box!"

"And here's a weird device with the same emblem as the box!" Croagunk cheered. "What button to press... hmmm...? I'll press the red one."

He did so, and the TV jolted to life.

"IT'S A MAGIC PICTURE BOX!" they both exclaimed.

"And look!" Darumaka shouted. "It's Absol!"

"I'll get the popcorn!" Croagunk dashed.

"Previously on Total Pokemon Island..." Absol began. "We had a fairly easy challenge about video making. The Type Trio won, but little do they know, we don't have computers or Wi-Fi here on the island. The whole video thing was just a motivator! Hahahahaha!"

Oshawott, who was nearby, heard this and ran off to tell her friends.

"And now they know." Salamence remarked.

"Shut up. Peasant." Absol scoffed. "Anyways, Croagunk was sent home for his inability to read a cue card, which isn't that hard, to be honest. Now that we've weeded out some weak players, the challenges will get harder and harder. And the drama will get... drama-ier."

"That's not a word." Salamence snubbed back.

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?" Absol bellowed. "Anyways, we'll eliminate another contestant and watch some drama here on TOTAL POKEMON ISLAND!"

Turtwig kicked the dresser in anger.

"Absol!" She shrieked. "I could've made millions!"

"Calm down." Oshawott said soothingly. "It was a MOTIVATOR, remember?"

"Yeah, but that was mean, nonetheless." Torchic whined.

"Yeah!" Turtwig lamented.

"But there's nothing we can do about it, so let's just drop it." Oshawott said. "Instead, let's form an alliance."

"An alliance?" Turtwig asked.

"That's a great idea!" Torchic squealed.

"GIRL POWER!" They all shouted, laughing.

Gible, who was hidden in a bush, gasped.

"I must tell Vulpix!" she hissed.

Kabuto was watching Illumise and Sableye talk on the dock. Geodude floats over to him.

"What's wrong, buddy?" he asked.

"Illumise and Sableye finally tied the knot." Kabuto sulked.

"THEY GOT MARRIED?" Geodude exclaimed.

"No, they just hooked up, became a couple, you know?" Kabuto explained.

"So they are boyfriend and girlfriend?" Geodude asked.

"Exactly!"

"That sucks. How do you know?"

"Illumise told me."

"Oh..." Geodude said simply, looking at the new couple.

_Vulpix was sitting in silence, a murderous look on her face. "Another alliance? They actually expect to win? No way! I need to get rid of them, but how?"_

_She thought for a moment, and then came up with an idea._

_"That's it!" she thought. "It'll take some time, but I think I've got it."_

Golett chuckled, "I heard everything."

"CAMPERS!" Absol blared on the intercom. "COME TO THE LAKE, WE'VE GOT A NEW CHALLENGE!"

"Yippee-ki-ay." Tyrogue muttered. "I wonder what it'll be THIS time."

"Hey, Tyrogue! Drilbur! Squirtle! Spearow! Stay with me!" Golett called.

"What is it?" Spearow asked.

"Keep quiet." Golett hushed. "You won't believe this. Vulpix has an alliance."

"Never would have thought it would happen." Squirtle said sarcastically.

"So I think we should form an alliance." Golett said.

"Sweet!" Drilbur cheered. "I'm in."

"I have a question, can we invite out girlfriends?" Squirtle asked, putting his arm around Spearow, who grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry, but no." Golett said solemnly.

Spearow fell over. "Why not?"

"Why do you think?" Tyrogue asked. "The alliance already consists of 5 people!"

"Adding two more?" Drilbur asked. "That would be disastrous! No offense."

"None taken." Spearow sighed.

"Do you promise to keep it quiet, even to your girlfriends?" Drilbur asked.

"I promise." Squirtle said.

"Spearow?" Tyrogue asked.

"Sure, sure." Spearow said reluctantly.

"We should catch up." Squirtle said, running to catch up.

"What was all that about?" Cyndaquil asked.

"Nothing." Squirtle and Spearow said quickly in unison.

"Okay..." Natu said suspiciously.

"Campers!" Absol continued. "It's time for the next challenge! It's an ENDURANCE challenge!"

"Hoorah." Lotad said blandly.

"It's simple." Absol continued. "All you have to do is hang from these ropes. The last team or person hanging, wins!"

"Third time's a charm?" Natu asked Cyndaquil.

"I guess."

Salamence asked the same thing to Absol, who ignored him.

"What if we don't have armssssssss or handssssss?" Seviper hissed.

"Find a way around it." Absol said. "I'm not a helper, I'm a host."

"And I'm his co-non-helper." Salamence said.

"To your ropes!" Absol cheered.

Everyone sulked to the nearest they could get to their ropes.

"Aaaaaaaaaand... GO!" Absol and Salamence shouted together.

Everyone jumped and grabbed their ropes, except for Geodude, who missed and fell into the water.

"Geodude is out!" Absol announced.

"Come ON!" The wet Geodude moaned.

After a few minutes, everyone was still hanging on, until Vulpix pulled out a feather and tickled Buizel, causing him to fall. Buizel stuck his head up and puked.

"Eeeewwww!" Everyone winced.

At the sight of vomit, Pidove and Spheal fell into the water, quickly getting back out.

"Four down, 25 to go." Absol commented.

"Clean the water, man!" Squirtle shouted.

"Nope." Absol backed out.

"Don't look at me." Salamence cringed.

"Consider it a motivator." Absol suggested.

"ANOTHER –BLEEP-ING MOTIVATOR!" Oshawott shrieked, causing her to fall.

"24." Salamence remarked. "Pathetic."

Geodude grit his teeth.

_"It's not my fault I lack legs!" Geodude belted. "Stupid challenge. I can see the next challenge being JUMP ROPING. I'm screwed!"_

After a few minutes, Torchic and Turtwig fell.

"OH NOOOOO!" Torchic shrieked.

"I got you!" Turtwig reassured, dragging her to shore.

"Thanks." Torchic sighed with relief.

"You're welcome." Turtwig said.

"That was close." Oshawott sighed.

Seeing this friendly moment, Vulpix had the urge to knock some more people into the water. She swung to the direction of Eevee and Cyndaquil.

"BOO!" She screamed.

They screamed and fell into the water.

"That's IT!" Squirtle yelled.

Letting out a Tarzan yell, he swung and tackled Vulpix, falling into the water.

"MASTER!" Snubbull and Gible exclaimed, as they too fell.

"16 left to go!" Absol announced.

Just then, Houndour lost his grip and fell.

"AGH!" He yelped. "WATER!"

The screaming startled Zorua, who fell. She tried to grad onto Drilbur, which made him loose his grip.

Drilbur swam to the bottom and dug his way to the shore.

"Not... COOL!"

"Sorry." Zorua apologized.

_"I know I'm known as nice and all, but what was I supposed to say?" Drilbur asked the camera._

After a few more minutes, only Kabuto, Spearow, and Sableye were left.

"You got thissssssss, Sssssssableye!" Seviper hissed at her teammate.

"Come on, hubby!" Natu shrieked, causing Spearow to blush.

"This is takin' to long." Glameow whined. "Just fall already, Spearow."

"Sorry." Spearow called, his voice muffled by the rope in his beak. "I'm staying on this rope as long as I can."

"What?" Glameow asked.

"He said that he's going to stay up there." Cyndaquil translated. Glameow groaned.

Sableye caught a glimpse of his reflection in the water.

"I look nice..." he began. "Except for that strand of hair sticking up. Let me get that."

He used the hand he was using to hold the rope to fix his hair... And soak himself in water.

"Noooooo!" Illumise screamed. "Or yes? I'm confused!"

Kabuto began to laugh, and then fell.

"Crap!" Kabuto cursed

"THE ABSOLS WIN!" Absol cheered. The Absols swarmed around Spearow, put him on their shoulders, and marched to their cabins, cheering the whole way. Kabuto hung his head (somehow). Salamence grunted.

"My team. Ceremony. 1 hour." he grunted, waddling away.

"Who will we vote off?" Vulpix wondered, looking at Sableye.

"Too bad you were too STUPID to hang on any longer." Glameow purred.

"Hush, Glameow." Vulpix reared. She smirked smugly and sauntered off.

"Gible!" Vulpix shouted. "Snubbull! Spheal! Come hither."

"Yes, master?" Spheal asked.

"Call me Vulpix." Vulpix said, slightly flattered. "So, who do we vote for? Kabuto or Geodude?"

They thought for a moment.

"I got it!" Snubbull announced. "And I think I know how to get it to work!"

"Here, I have 14 Soothe Bells, and 15 campers." Salamence grumbled. "If you don't get a Soothe Bell, you're homeward bound."

"Finally." Absol sneered.

"Shut up." Salamence moaned. "First Soothe Bell goes to... Houndour."

"Sweet." he cheered, getting up for his Soothe Bell.

"Next ones go to Seviper, Spheal, Oshawott, Turtwig, Torchic, Zorua, Aipom..."

"Yeah!" Aipom cheered.

"... Snubbull, Gible, and Drilbur." Salamence paused. "Vulpix, you too."

"Victory." grinned Vulpix.

"Oy vey." Absol whined. "Not enough drama."

"SHUT UP!" Salamence screamed, making the campers jump. "Geodude, you jumped and missed the rope. Kabuto, you were... special. Glameow, I'm not sure. But Geodude is safe."

"Yes!" He cheered.

"And the final Soothe Bell goes to... Kabuto."

"Yes!" Kabuto brightened.

"What in Sam Hill?" Glameow shrieked.

"We heard about your scandal." said Zorua coldly.

"What?" Glameow exclaimed. "What scandal?"

"Don't play DUMB with usssssssssss." Seviper hissed.

"Just leave, ya." Gible said.

"Fine, I will." Glameow hissed. She sulked to the boat.

_"What rumor?" wondered Glameow. "Riddle me that much. I don't get a darn thing. I don't care, I guess. Let 'em hate me. I just want to go home, because there's no place like it. Vulpix, I hope you get voted off as soon as possible. Zoroa, Aipom, you got this. G'bye, island. I've had enough anyway."_

"What the hell?" Absol asked Salamence. Salamence shrugged.

_"Once you mess with Vulpix, you go down." Snubbull smirked. "Spreading that false rumor was a piece of cake."_

Drilbur, who was outside the outhouse, heard Snubbull.

"Oh CRAP!" He whispered, digging his way back to the cabins.


	5. Full Stomachs and Broken Hearts

Total Pokemon Island

Episode 5:

"Stuffed Stomachs and Broken Hearts"

Absol began to recap the last episode, as usual.

"Last time on Total Pokemon Island, the campers faced an endurance challenge, where they had to hang on to a rope above water as long as they can. Only Spearow was left, causing our team to win.

He grinned, looking towards a very pissed-off Salamence.

"Shut up, prick." he said.

Absol chuckled. "Glameow was sent home because of a rumor about a scandal. Arceus knows what. What will happen this time? We'll find out on Total, Pokemon, ISLAND!"

...

Buizel was sitting around, waiting for lunch. "I'm so hungry, I can't puke anymore." he bemoaned.

"That's good, right?" asked Zoroa, walking by.

"Yeah, but I'm still hungry." Buizel whined.

"It's noon, so lunch should be anytime now." Zoroa answered.

"Ssssssssssssssssssssssssso hungry." Seviper hissed.

Sableye was walking with the Snake Pokemon, flirting with Illumise.

"How was your sleep, Illy?" he crooned, using his nickname for her.

She giggled. "It was good, thank you."

"What can I say?" He asked her. Seviper slithered away.

"_I can't believe he'sssssssss going out with Illumise. Seviper hissed. "I mean, she ISSSSSSSS pretty, but... I don't know. And what kind of a nickname issssssss Illy? That doesssssssn't make any ssssssensssssse! I think Kabuto likessssss Illumise anyway..."_

...

"That low little..." Golett grumbled under his breath.

"It's all true, I heard it myself!" Drilbur swore.

"I believe you." Golett replied. "I don't think it's our place to be sorry for her, but that was pretty low. I wonder if Snubbull is in Vulpix's alliance?"

"I bet you one million Poke she is." Squirtle sighed.

"That's the sort of thing that Vulpix would order." Tyrogue muttered.

Suddenly, a voice was heard outside. "An alliance? Expected."

Riolu came into the room, slowly.

"Riolu?" Spearow exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard that you guys had an alliance." he said smoothly.

"Wonderful." Drilbur said.

"And you heard HOW?" Spearow asked.

"I was outside the whole time." Riolu said smugly. "I was about to come in to get something, but I decided just to listen."

"You eavesdropped." Golett sighed.

"I guess I did, yeah." Said Riolu.

"What do you want?" Tyrogue seethed.

"I want to join." Riolu said.

"Join?" Squirtle shouted.

"Are you nuts?" Spearow asked.

"We already have 5 people in this alliance!" Squirtle said.

"And we especially don't want YOU." Tyrogue dithered.

"Well, I don't about that." Said Drilbur quietly.

"Hush." Tyrogue snapped.

"Calm down, everyone!" Golett shouted above the commotion. Everyone was silent. He studied Riolu. "Why do you want to join?"  
>"Why do you think? To be save!"<p>

"And if we don't let you in?" Tyrogue interjected. Golett gave him a look that shut him up.

"What he said?" he asked Riolu.

"I'll tell everyone about the alliance!" He laughed evilly.

"I don't believe you." Squirtle said confidently.

"HEY EVERYONE!" Riolu shouted. "Guess who the scumbags are on this team?"

"Shut up, fool!" Tyrogue threatened.

"You can come into the alliance." Spearow muttered.

"I would've let you in anyway, but that's just me..." Drilbur sighed.

"Much obliged." Riolu grinned. Tyrogue stood up again.

"Don't expect me to be all nice now that we're working together."

"I don't expect anything. Just immunity." Riolu said seriously.

"Now that we've established that, who's our next target?" Squirtle asked.

"Snubbull." Everyone said in unison.

"It's decided." Said Golett firmly. "We need to get rid of her, then Vulpix's alliance will become weaker, ever so slowly."

"Glad to hear it." Spearow replied.

"CAMPERS!" Absol's annoying voice blared over the intercom. "COME TO THE MESS HALL FOR THE NEXT CHALLENGE!"

"Let's win this challenge!" Drilbur said enthusiastically.

"YEAH!" Everyone in the cabin shouted.

Squirtle walked out and walked up to Cyndaquil.

"Hey, Cyndy." Squirtle flirted.

"Seriously, what the heck goes on in there?" Cyndaquil asked.

"I was about to ask the same thing!" Natu said, dragging Spearow along to meet with the other couple.

"Oh my Arceus!" Cyndaquil shouted. "Wait, who's Arceus?"

"I'll tell you later, girl." Natu said.

"Okay!" Cyndaquil smiled.

"Whoa, wait up!" Spearow sputtered as he caught up with his mate.

"_Something fishy IS going on here..." said Natu suspiciously. "I'll trust them, for now."_

...

"_No, you're better looking!" blushed Illumise._

"_But you're hot!" Sableye crooned._

"_Oh, you!" Illumise nuzzled against him._

"_Oh, me!" Sableye swooned. They began to make out._

"_GUYS!" Gible shouted from outside. "COME ON, YA! IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT CHALLENGE!"_

_They stopped, looking at each other. "Okay." they said. They slowly got out._

_Gible quickly came in after them. "Target Number 2."_

...

Absol began to tap his foot impatiently as Sableye and Illumise stumbled in, sucking face the whole way.

"AHEM!" Kabuto shouted.

They broke apart.

"Makes me sick..." said Geodude to Kabuto.

"You're telling ME." he replied.

"Today's challenge is an eating challenge!" Absol cheered.

"So THAT'S why we haven't got any breakfast." Lotad grumbled.

"That's low." Buizel muttered.

"I'm evil, aren't I?" Absol grinned.

"Me too!" interrupted Salamence.

"Yeah, yeah." Absol said. "So, the teams will sit with each other. Each person will get a disgusting food cooked by Salamence."

"It's not THAT bad." growled Salamence.

"It's not THAT good, either..." Vulpix muttered. He grit his teeth.

"_No good little..." Salamence cursed._

"Whoever is the last one standing... Or sitting... Wins!" Absol announced.

The teams went to their tables and were served their first meal.

"And go!" Absol jeered.

The teams began to stuff their face. Mostly everyone was finished with their first bowl in under a minute.

"Pidove!" shoveled Lotad. "Eat FASTER!"

"I can't!" he replied. "I eat like A BIRD!"

She groaned. "What IS this anyway?"

Salamence grinned evilly. "Buizel meat."

Buizel, the only one stupid to believe it (or care), immediately stopped eating. He ran to the bathrooms and threw up.

"Buizel is out!" Absol announced, smiling at his partner.

By the third bowl, Turtwig was getting full.

"Come on!" Torchic garbled.

"You gotta... wmmmmm!" Oshawott shrieked with the "Buizel Meat" stuffed in her mouth.

"What?" Turtwig asked.

"Wmmmmm..." said Oshawott before falling over due to fatigue.

"NOO!" Torchic squealed.

"I'm out too." Turtwig finished, leaving and dragging Oshawott off.

"Come on!" Torchic moaned. "I eat like a bird!"

Lotad soon got full, as did Pidove, who sat right next to her.

"Why couldn't we do something simple, like a spelling bee?" Lotad asks.

Pidove stops eating and groans.

"And you told ME to keep eating." Pidove sighed.

"We're toast." remarked Lotad.

"Okay, THAT makes me a little hungrier." Pidove says, shoveling a bite more of food. "NOW I'm full."

Seviper said, "Same." They then sauntered over to the losers.

Sableye and Illumise were still making out, Kabuto and Geodude looking in disgust. Suddenly, Salamence popped up out of nowhere and declared them disqualified.

"Take that, Sable-JERK!" Geodude jeered. Kabuto laughed.

Sableye just turned around slowly and said. "Aren't you supposed to be eating?"

"Nah, we're full." Kabuto said, hopping up from his table with his rock Pokemon friend.

"We just though we'd... SUPERVISE you guys." Geodude sneered.

"Oh, blow it out your..." Sableye began with anger.

"Sableye." Illumise pleaded. "Please stop. There our friends."

"These are your FRIENDS?" Sableye shouted. "These FREAKS?"

"Watch it, buster." Kabuto said.

"I can crush you." Sableye seethed.

"Honey, please!" Illumise begged.

"GUYS!" Aipom shouted. Everyone in the room was silent. Spheal broke it.

"Yes?"

"...I'm full." Aipom finished.

"THAT'S WHY YOU INTERUPTED OUR FIGHT?" Geodude shouted.

"Fight?" said Aipom, his goofy demeanor vanishing. "Fights aren't good. I don't like them."

Eevee walked over to her boyfriend. "What about fights?"

"Nothing." Aipom said solemnly. "You already know too much.'  
>"Are you feeling okay, baby?" Eevee asked.<p>

"I feel fine." Aipom said, walking over to the other losers.

"_What was THAT all about?" Sableye wondered. "He's a freak too. Great, I'm on an island surrounded by FREAKS! Well, the freaks aren't surrounding the island, I'm on the island surrounded by... Never mind..."_

_..._

"_That's the first time anyone has revealed that side of me." said Aipom, worried. "You see, my older brother got in a fight once with mad Scizors, and he... well he was killed. This is why I never fight. Ever."_

_..._

_Eevee, who listened on the outside of the confessional, was speechless in the confessional. She then said, "Oh my god... I never knew."_

_..._

Zoroa, Drilbur, Gible, Spheal, Snubbull, Golett, Spearow, Cyndaquil, Riolu, and Tyrogue finally got out, leaving only Vulpix and Houndour for the Super Salamences and Natu and Squirtle for the Amazing Absols.

"Sorry, Turtwig. Oshawott." Torchic apologized.

"Go Squirtle!" Spearow, Golett, and Cyndaquil cheered.

"Vulpix!" Snubbull, Gible, and Spheal exclaimed.

"Who do WE cheer for?" Drilbur asked Zoroa.

"I don't know." she shrugged.

"Me neither." said Drilbur.

"**I think now's a good time to commence 'Operation Hot Mess'."** thought Vulpix, taking a salt shaker with Creole in it and taking the top off. She then proceeded to "accidentally" spilling the entire spice into Squirtle's food.

"HEY!" Squirtle shouts.

"Woops." said Vulpix innocently. "Did I do that?"

Squirtle grit his teeth.

"_No good little..." Squirtle cursed. "Whoa. Déjà vu. I feel this happened earlier in the chapter..."_

"Does he still have to eat that?" Natu asked Absol.

"Afraid so."

"Sorry, Squirtle." Natu said with sympathy.

"DAMNIT!"

"Or you could leave it to Natu." Absol continued.

"I'm out. Peace." Squirtle said, leaving the table.

"Hey!" Natu said. "I'm full too!"

"But you've got to try!" Cyndaquil pleaded.

Natu sighed, ate another bite, and fell out of her seat.

"Natu!" Spearow freaked.

"The Super Salamences win!" Salamence cheered. Despite mostly everyone on Vulpix's team hating her, she got respect and pats on the back. She smiled at the two couples, who glared at her.

"I solemnly swear to KICK HER ASS!" Spearow shrieked, charging for her. Cyndaquil restrained him. "Not now."

"She ruined the competition!" Spearow seethed.

"Calm down!" Cyndaquil yelled.

"We'll get her." the angry Spearow vowed. "Soon enough, she'll face the wrath of the Amazing Absols."

"Yeah, she's going down." Squirtle agreed.

"Amen." Golett, Tyrogue, and Drilbur preach as they pass by.

"_I swear to Arceus that Sableye is going to pay." Kabuto dithered. "No one talks that way to me and my friend. He needs to learn some manners."_

...

Absol held up his Sooth Bells and waited for the campers to sit down.

"Here I have 12 Bells, and 13 campers. If I don't give you a Bell, you're experience here at Total Pokemon Island has ended. The door has shut. The road has ended. The curtains have closed..."

"Enough metaphors!" Tyrogue shouted. "Just get on with it!"

"Okay, okay!" Absol shouted. "I just wanted to have a moment. Anyway, since I really feel no one will find this dramatic, everyone except Buizel, come get a Sooth Bell."

Buizel hung his head. "Yeah. I get it. I puke too much..." He gasped. "I've stopped puking!"

"That's a shame." Pidove said. "Well, goodbye."

"Adios!" Lotad shouted. When everyone looked at her, she explained, "I had a Latino trainer. Don't ask."

"_If only I weren't a seasick... ugh..." Buizel barfed. "Stupid boats. God. I don't know who will win, but if it's anyone but Vulpix, I'll be content. Even better, an Absol. Not the host, but... You know what, whatever."_

...

Kabuto was shuffling through the forest when he heard a familiar voice.

"Kabuto!" Seviper called. "SSSssssssstop!"

He froze. "Seviper? What is it?"

"I'm about to make you an offer you can't refuse."

"You are, are you?" Snubbull called. All of the members of Vulpix's alliance stepped into view.

"Sssssssnubull?" Seviper hissed. "Ssssspheal? Vulpixxxxxx? Gible? What'ssssss going on?"

"I think we all want the same thing." Spheal said.

"Sableye has got to go." Snubbull sneered.

"This is too good to be true." Kabuto sniffled.

"We have a plan, ya." said Gible.

"VULPIX has a plan." Spheal corrected. "Master."

"Call me by my name, please." She said, still flattered.

"Right." Spheal said.

"But you've got to do us a favor." Gible said.

"Yessssss?" Seviper asked.

"Don't tell a soul about any of this." Snubbull whispered. "Promise?"

They looked at each other and nodded.

Nearby, Aipom and Geodude were watching from behind a tree.

"How could they do this to us?" Aipom asked.

Geodude didn't say anything for a while. "I can't believe that bastard would side with her."


	6. Fight Night! Kabuto's Cry of Rage!

Total Pokemon Island

Episode 6:

"Fight Night! Kabuto's Cry of Rage!"

As always, Absol with Salamence sat on the dock, recapping the last episode. "Last time on Total Pokemon Island, the campers were subjected to stuffing their faces with immense amounts of food. Salamence tricked Buizel into thinking he was eating his own species-,"

Salamence grinned. "That was hilarious."

"Yeah, it was." Absol continued. "Anyways, Vulpix put lots of Creole into Squirtle's food, causing him to back out and leave it to Natu, but alas, she couldn't eat anymore, causing the Super Salamences to win."

Salamence stood to bow. "Thank you, thank you, I'll be here the whole season."

"Oh, sit down." Absol scoffed. "Anyways, Buizel was sent home for his mishap, right after he began to feel the seasickness go away. It's a shame, but no one really cares. So, let's see what will happen next on Total Pokemon Island!"

…

Kabuto couldn't sleep that night due to the guilt of teaming up with Vulpix and her alliance. He knew that it wasn't the right thing to do, but he was so desperate, as pathetic as that sounds. He wants Illumise to be happy, of course, but Kabuto senses that Sableye may not be the kind of person he's made out to be. He doesn't seem like most of his species, playful and cheerful.

Geodude and Aipom cornered Kabuto earlier that day.

"Hey guys." Kabuto said cheerfully. "What's up?"

"You know what's up." Geodude said coldly. "Why did you team up with her, of all people?"

Kabuto's smile faltered. "What?"

"Don't play dumb with us." said Aipom. "We saw you do it. You and Seviper. What you did was weak."

"Why did you do it?" Geodude asked.

"I didn't know what to do!" Kabuto cried. "I'm sorry! I know it wasn't a good idea, but I..."

"You were being selfish."Geodude said. "You want Illumise all to yourself."

"Can't you handle the truth?" Aipom shouted. "She wants Sableye. She loves him. Don't you realize?"

Kabuto felt his throat go dry. "I... I... I didn't think Sableye actually loved her."

"You're kidding, right?" laughed Geodude.

"That's hilarious!" Aipom chuckled.

Kabuto could feel hot tears in his eyes. "Stop it. STOP IT!"

They stopped. "Do you get the problem now?" Geodude asked calmly.

Kabuto could feel the tears fall down his face. "I need to be alone for a while. Excuse me."

As he waddled past, Aipom yelled after him. "Don't forget what we said!"

Now night had fallen, and Kabuto was alone in his cabin, contemplating the past week. He sat up.

"They're right." He said. "Why did I do something so stupid? I can't believe it."

He stopped. "Wait a minute. They don't know how I feel. They don't know the pain I've been going through. I don't think they ever had to deal with the crap I'm feeling now!"

He paused again. "What am I saying? They might know. I have been selfish." He sighed. "I need to get out of this alliance.

"I agree." Said a voice. Kabuto turned to see the Snake Pokemon.

"Seviper? What are you doing here?"

"I overheard you talking to yourssssself." Hissed Seviper. "I agree. I think we should get oursssssselvessssss out of the messssss we're in."

"Why did you join in the first place?" asked Kabuto.

"I….." Seviper began. "I like Sssssssableye a little. But I've gotten over it."

"I wish that I could tell Geodude and Aipom I'm sorry." Kabuto said sadly.

Suddenly, a light flickered on and they appeared. Geodude grinned. "Apology accepted."

Seviper smiled. "I may have had something to do with that…"

"Thanks." Kabuto said softly.

...

Golett's alliance was huddled in another cabin, discussing their next move.

"Okay, we've got to make a list of the strongest competitors." The alliance leader said. "Does anyone have any paper?"

Squirtle pulled out paper and a pencil. "Right here, cap'n."

Golett grinned. "Great. Now, write down Aipom and Vulpix for sure."

"What about her alliance members?" Tyrogue asked.

"Snubbull and Gible, yes." Said Riolu. "But Spheal? Are you joking?"

"I agree that she's… Well, dumb." Said Tyrogue. "But she's protected, as far as we know."

"By Vulpix?" Riolu scoffed. "That's like saying a baby is being protected by a meteor shower by an umbrella."

"Let's put her on the list just to be safe." Said Golett. "You never know."

"Do you consider us threats, Golett?" Spearow asked.

"Yeah, I'd say that." He said. "But we are still in danger of being voted off."

"Well, you guys are." Drilbur said sadly. "I haven't done much of anything while you guys have won or nearly won challenges."

"Well, at least that means you aren't in danger of being voted off." Squirtle said happily.

"And besides, you're in a strong alliance." Spearow added. "It'll be awfully hard to vote you off."

"Thanks, guys." Drilbur smiled. "But why did you let me into this alliance anyway?"

"Because you seem like a nice guy?" Riolu asked.

"I think it's because you're crazy fast, considering your claw has healed. If this isn't insulting, I'd say you're the messenger of the group."

"I like the sound of that." Drilbur said.

"I think we should call you Mercury from now on." Said Squirtle.

"Mercury?" asked Drilbur.

"The Roman messenger god." Said Riolu. "Either that or Hermes, but I think Mercury sounds better than that."

"How do you know that?" Tyrogue asked.

"The same reason Squirtle knows about the Matrix." Spearow realized. "They both had human trainers."

"That makes sense." Drilbur said. "And I like that nickname. Anyways, we should add Geodude to the list…"

…

Absol and Salamence were sitting in the host trailer.

"Are you ready?" Salamence asked.

"Of course." Absol grinned. He pulled the microphone to his mouth. "WAKE UP CAMPERS! IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT CHALLENGE! MEET ME AT THE BOXING RING IN 10 MINUTES!"

Oshawott's voice was heard over the intercom (you could talk both ways). "It's nearly midnight!"

"I DON'T CARE!" shouted Absol. He clicked the microphone off.

"Nicely done." Salamence said.

"Thanks."

…

Ten minutes later, everyone (mostly everyone rubbing the sleep out of their eyes) arrived at the boxing ring.

"As you can tell, today's challenge is fighting match!" Absol announced.

"Really?" Lotad asked sarcastically. "I couldn't tell."

Pidove gaped at her. "Even after the announcement? Are you feeling alright?"

Houndour laughed.

_"That guy wouldn't know sarcasm if it bit him in the ass!" Houndour laughed._

...

Absol, ignoring the sarcasm display, continued, "Here I have 2 hats full of names; one for one team, on for the other. If I draw your name, you are battling the other person the hats chose."

Aipom gaped, his usual goofy self. "THE HATS DECIDE?"

Eevee giggled. "No, silly. He pulls the name OUT of the hats."

Houndour looked at him. "What a moron."

Salamence dug his hand into his team's hat. He pulled a name out, and shouted, "Turtwig!"

She stared at Salamence in horror. "Me?"

"Yeah, you." Salamence said.

"You'll do FINE!" Torchic reassured.

Turtwig looked at the ground. "I guess so."

"As long as you don't do anything stupid." Oshawott said blandly.

"Oshawott!" Torchic protested.

Absol pulled out Illumise's name, and they got into the boxing ring. The bell rang, and the match began. Illumise tackled Turtwig, but Illumise missed due to Turtwig dodging it. Turtwig tackled back.

"This is BORING!" shouted Zorua.

"Amen." said Houndour.

Illumise used Quick Attack, which got Turtwig.

"You go, Illy!" Sableye crooned. His smile went away when Turtwig used Absorb. "Kick her ass!" He shouted in anger.

After a close battle, Turtwig arose the champion. Sableye ran off to the infirmary with his love.

Absol pulled Drilbur and Salamence pulled Geodude. They got in the boxing ring and the match began.

"Rock throw!" Geodude shouted. The rock hit Drilbur hard, and he stumbled backwards, dazed.

"Fury Swipes!" Drilbur shrieked. He swiped at Geodude, but to little avail.

"Magnitude!" Geodude bellowed. "8!"

The entire stadium began to tremor. The Pokemon ran to and fro helplessly until the quake ended.

_"That was uncalled for, Geodude!" Zorua_ shouted.

...

When the smog cleared, Drilbur was leaning against the ropes. He was bruised and cut up, but he seemed a bit off. His shoulders began to shake. He then put his head up and began to laugh. He was _laughing!_

"That'sa strong move, alright." Drilbur laughed. "But I have one that will end this battle."

Geodude's grin faded. He began to look scared. He caught a mischievous gleam in Drilbur's eyes.

"I must say, Geodude, that you are a very strong competitor. That, I can definetely respect. But the odds are against you, unfortunately. It's _over._"

_"It's official." said Lotad. "Drilbur has lost it."_

Drilbur took a step forward. "Good game..." He gave a toothy grin and ran towards Geodude. "MUD SLAP!"

And that took the cake. Geodude fainted.

Absol announced the win.

"Holy crap, dude!" Tyrogue said. "That was AWESOME!"

Drilbur sighed. "I'm not sure what came over me."

"That was great." Golett said, patting him on the back (which caused Drilbur to falter a bit, but he stood his ground).

"Do you feel useless now, Mercury?" Riolu asked him. Drilbur shook his head. "Good, because you're better than that."

Tyrogue looked at him with true sincerity. "Am I hearing things, or is Riolu being nice?"

"Just because I don't like YOU..." the fighting Pokemon began.

"Oh, both of you hush." Golett said.

Squirtle and Spearow were with their girlfriends.

"I wonder who's up next?" Squirtle said.

"I hope it isn't something that will hurt my Natu again." Spearow said, nuzzling again his girl.

She blushed. "Aw, you."

Cyndaquil hugged Squirtle. "I'm happy that you still have time with me, even if you are in an alliance."

"Thanks..." Squirtle said, before stopping. "Wait, do you know about-,"

"Yeah, we've been watching you." Cyndaquil said with a sly grin. "I still think you should have told us, but I know how alliances are, so I'll let it slide."

Squirtle smiled. "You're the best girlfriend anyone could ever have."

"Oh, I try." Cyndaquil gushed.

Spearow said that Natu was the best girlfriend he ever had, which resulted in a swift peck (pun intended) on the beak.

"I've wanted to do that for so long." Natu smiled. Spearow said "I love you," and fainted.

Absol quieted everyone. "I've decided the next battle will be a triple battle: Golett, Tyrogue, and Riolu VS. Snubbull, Kabuto, and Apiom."

They got up, and the challenge began.

"GO SNUBBULL AND KABUTO!" Spheal and Gible chanted.

Vulpix sent a message of her own. "Kick their asses!"

"That's a bad word!" Spheal gasped.

"Uff da, and you haven't done a bad thing in your life?" Gible questioned.

"Well..." Spheal thought. "There was that time in 8th grade where someone spike my poffin with..."

"That's enough." Vulpix said.

"Told ya so, don'tcha know?" Gible scoffed.

Vulpix gave Gible a look that shut her up.

By this time, Tyrogue was beating the crap out of Aipom when Kabuto came along and used Absorb.

"Jesus, Edward." Tyrogue shouted.

"Edward?" Aipom asked.

"It's a reference to that book..." Tyrogue said, stopping to think. "What was it... Midnight? New dusk? God, I can't remember."

"Quit fooling around, you idiot!" Riolu said, trying to break Snubbull and Golett up.

"Low Sweep." said Tyrogue, swiftly knocking Aipom's feet from under him.

"AIPOM!" Eevee shrieked.

Kabuto gaped. "B-but..."

"Make your move." Tyrogue said, stepping back.

_The NERVE of that guy." Eevee snarled. "Why would he do that?"_

_To WIN!" Oshawott said from outside. "Now hurry up, I have to go!"_

_"In a minute!" Eevee said. "I'm not done!"_

_Oshawott groaned._

...

Meanwhile, Golett and Snubbul are fighting. After Golett used Rollout, Snubbull got up, shaking, but laughing like a maniac.

"You may defeat me, but I'm not going home anytime soon." Snubbull said.

"Why not?" Golett asked calmly, seeing if she'll spill the beans.

Snubbull sneered. "You'd want to know."

"We do." Riolu said. "We do know."

Snubbull's cocky grin dissapeared. "What do you mean?"

"We know all about you and your alliance with Vulpix." Golett said.

Snubbull growled. "How? How do you know, HOW?"

Riolu smirked. "You'd want to know."

"YOU BASTARD!" she screamed.

"FORCE PALM!"

And with that, she fainted. "MY TEAM WINS!" Absol cheered. Salamence grumbled and walked away without a word.

...

"Wake up, Snubbull. Kabuto, you too." Vulpix said. "We may have lost, but we can still plot."

Snubbull had come round slowly, but Kabuto shot straight up. It was time to do it.

Aipom, Eevee, and Geodude were close by. He saw Vulpix, Spheal, Gible, and Seviper sitting in front of him.

"That was BRUTAL!" Spheal screamed.

"Spheal!" Gible scolded. She cleared her throat. "Everyone else has voted except for you two."

"Vulpix." Kabuto began. "I'm sorry, but I have something to say."

"What?" Vulpix asked.

"Well, it's... uh..." Kabuto said nervously.

Seviper stepped in. "We don't want to be in your alliancssssssse anymore."

Vulpix froze. "What? You can't do that! You know about our alliance!"

"And ssssssso doessssssss everyone elssssssssse!" Seviper retorted.

"NO!" Vulpix shouted. "I WON'T LET THIS HAPPEN! YOU GUYS ARE NOTHING WITHOUT ME!"

Kabuto was silent for a long time, but finally spoke up with seething rage that had been building up for weeks. "Well, it's not my fault you're a spinless BITCH!"

Spheal, Snubbull, and Gible gasped. Vulpix looked murderous. Everyone in the hospital was staring.

"What... did you say?" Snubbull shreiked.

"I said it's not my fault she's a spineless bitch that can go - and go shove it up her -BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP- ing -BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP- IN HELL!"

Everyone in the hospital was silent. Spheal was on the floor, crying her eyes out at the profane display, with Gible down next to her, trying to comfort her. Snubbull got out of her bed, and Vulpix was twitching with rage. You could see the smoke coming out of her ears.

Suddenly, Kabuto's body began to glow. His limbs got longer, he grew scythes, eyes formed, and the glow faded.

Geodude gaped. "You... EVOLVED!"

Aipom fainted again. Eevee sighed. "DOCTOR!"

Vulpix was still dithering. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK, ASSHOLE!"

Spheal winced and ran outside, with Gible in hot pursuit.

Kabutops grinned. "No."

Vulpix began to insult his friends, his family, and even his newly evolved form. After a long time, Kabutops finally gave in.

"THAT'S IT!" he cried, letting out a cry of fury and leaping for her throat. Kabutops then proceeded to hitting her in the face repeatedly with the blunt side of his scythes. Snubbull wanted to help, but she was frozen in horror.

Vulpix finally got him off her, running towards the opposite wall. Kabutops looked at her for a short moment, and ran out of the hospital. Seviper slithered slowly behind.

Pidove flew in. "You just got-," before Snubbull threw him out the window.

...

Illumise and Sableye were walking through the forest and heard the commotion coming from the hospital. Looking in the window, they saw the whole fight.

Illumise stared in terror. "Kabutops..."

Pidove was thrown out the window. They ducked, not losing their glum demeanors, despite him saying sorry.

Sableye looked grim. "That fool. He shouldn't have let her get to him like that."

"She insulted everything about him." Illumise argued. "I don't see why he shouldn't be miffed."

Sableye looked at her. "Do you know why he and Seviper ever joined in the first place?"

"Why?"

"Because they wanted us broken up. But their friends helped them see their mistake, and so this mess happened. It's all my fault."

"Sableye, don't say that-,"

"Illy, I like you a lot, but I don't think you're the one for me. You must understand." Sableye felt tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Illumise was already sobbing. "Sableye, you don't haved to do this!"

"I think it's safer. I'm being the bigger man and stepping down. Kabutops seems to want you more, so much that he blindly allied with Vulpix. I'd appreciate it if we can still be friends, but you must understand that he's lovestruck. I'm not saying you should go out with him, but you should just consider what I said." And with that he left. Illumise fell to her knees and continued to sob.

...

Salamence held two Soothe Bells on a plate. "Kabutops, you're here because you lost it for the team. Snubbull you too. But I'm afraid that... Snubbull is safe. Sorry, Kabutops, it's time to go."

Everyone was shocked. "We didn't voted him off!" shouted Lotad.

"Apparently, you did." Salamence said. "Goodbye, you did great."

Geodude stood up. "This is bull!"

Aipom stood up too. "He's our friend!"

Eevee also stood up. "This doesn't make any sense."

Houndour actually looked sad. "Sorry, buddy."

"STOP!" shouted a female voice from the woods. Illumise rushed out and kissed Kabutops on the lips. She held it for a long time before breaking away.

"Illumise-," Kabutops began.

"Don't ask." she said. "I think there's a boat waiting for you."

Kabutops smiled. "I guess there is. Goodbye, everyone."

"Goodbye." Geodude said, happy about his first kiss. "I'll fight for you. Aipom and I. Right, Aipom?"

But he was grabbing Kabutops' legs. "DON'T LEAVE!"

Eevee dragged him away. "It'll be okay, baby."

_"Well, as much as this sucks, I can't say I didn't have fun. Because I did." Kabutops began. "But, somehow I was voted off. Something tells me it was Vulpix's fault. Oh well. I want Geodude, Aipom, Eevee, Seviper, Illumise, or Sableye to win. Yeah, I said Sableye. Even though I was jealous of him, I think that it was very courteous of him to step down like that. He has my respect. And yes, Pidove told me all about it. Then again, if anyone but Vulpix's alliance members win, I'll be content. Goodbye, island. It's been great."_

...

Vulpix was watching Kabutops leave with an evil grin.

_"Let's see how he likes it if I switch the votes!" Vulpix said with a crooked smile painted on her face. She took the box of votes and dumped it into the toilet, then proceeding to putting new votes in._

...

At the time, Drilbur was outside the outhouse with Squirtle and Spearow.

"Despicable." Drilbur said.

"I can't believe it." Spearow whispered, getting furious.

"I can." Squirtle said glumly. "We have to stop her, before things get too ugly."

...

All I can say is, I'll miss Kabuto(ps), He was one of my favorite characters. But, I've been planning this kind of an episode for a long time, and I couldn't see anything else to do that seemed like good television but vote the poor guy off. He might come back though, so if you're a Kabuto(ps) fan, don't be discouraged. So yeah, more people will be evolving now, but I just thought it would be appropriate if Kabuto evolved into Kabutops, so yeah.

And Drilbur's fight with Geodude was a blast to write.

Darumaka: Hey, you!

Croagunk: Yeah, you!

Glameow: Oh, pooh.

Buizel: Please review! *pukes*

Kabutops: Please do! And thank you.

Everyone: Why are we rhyimng?


	7. TPI Has Got Talent More Or Less

Total Pokemon Island

Chapter 7:

"TPI Has Got Talent... More or Less"

Absol sat on the dock with Salamence to recap. "Last time on Total Pokemon Island... wow. Kabuto pretty much had his own episode. He spoke even more than Salamence and I."

"Care to explain?" Salamence asked.

"Not at all." said Absol. "Okay, in the episode before the last episode, Kabuto and Seviper sided with Vulpix's alliance to get Illumise and Sableye to break up. Aipom and Geodude witnessed this and cornered Kabuto the next day, making him realize he made a mistake, and making him cry at the same time. TV ratings shot way up..."

"The EPISODE, Absol." reminded Salamence. "Talk about the EPISODE."

"I'm getting there." Absol reared. "Anyways, Seviper and Kabuto vowed to break the bonds they made with Vulpix and her alliance. Little did Kabuto know, Seviper brought Geodude and Aipom into the room to hear their plea. On a side note, Drilbur got a new nickname, Mercury."

"I bet you guys didn't know that they made that list not to eliminate threats, but to be catious of them." Salamence pointed out.

"Maybe they did." teased Absol. "Anyways, the challenge was a fight, similar to a Pokemon battle, but much faster-paced. Turtwig won against Illumise, Drilbur won against Geodude, which was his first victory, and Riolu, Golett, and Tyrogue won against Kabuto, Snubbull, and Aipom. When Kabuto and Snubbull woke up, Vulpix wanted to plot some more, but Kabuto wanted to break away, but he wasn't able to do it, so Seviper did, so-,"

"WHOA, SLOW DOWN." Salamence said firmly.

Absol took a deep breath. "Anyways, Vulpix said that those two were nothing without her, causing Kabuto to gather up the courage to curse her out. I had to be quick with the censor button, but I eventually decided to hold it the whole time. That cursing fit caused Kabuto to evolve. Funny, he would have been the only competitor tto be fully evolved, but alas, he was voted off. How, you may ask? Well, Vulpix began to insult everything about him which caused him to beat the crap out of her. He then ran away with Seviper. Nearby, Sableye and Illumise watched everything, which made Sableye think that he should break up with Illumise."

"There's too many couples on this show anyways." Salamence said grimly.

"Just because a Chansey rejected you when you were a Bagon doesn't mean-,"

"Shut up, Absol! Don't say that on national television!"

Absol smirked. "After the couple broke up, Kabuto was voted off thanks to the selfish Vulpix, and Illumise kissed him. Before the elimination, Pidove told Kabutops about the breakup since he witnessed it himself. What will happen next? Find out on Total Pokemon Island!"

...

_"It's kind of hard not having Illumise," began Sableye, "But I think I made the right choice. I don't think I would have gone THAT far for a girl."_

_..._

_"Great." Illumise sighed. "I'm boyfriend-less. Whoopdie doo."_

_..._

"That heartless..." Golett began.

"Yeah, I can believe it, but that was cold." Drilbur said.

"We should give her a taste of her own medicine." Squirtle said.

"But how?" asked Spearow.

"I'm thinking." Golett said.

"Perhaps we should vote Spheal off." Riolu said. "Get other people to vote her off, I mean."

"That's going to be hard, but it's worth a try, I guess." agreed Tyrogue.

"Yeah." Spearow smiled. "I agree."

"Seconded." Riolu said.

"Awesome." Tyrogue grinned. "Soon, the Vulpix alliance will exist no more!"

...

"So we get rid of Spearow and Drilbur?" asked Snubbull.

"Ya." said Gible.

"Why?" asked Spheal, oblivious to the entire conversation.

"Oh for the love of Arceus." said Snubbull.

Vulpix sighed. "They're threats."

"Oh. I get it." said Spheal. She suddenly stopped and stared off into the distance.

"What is it NOW?" Gible asked.

"I saw a Butterfree." Spheal said.

"SPHEAL!" Snubbull shouted.

"You've got to pay attention, don'tcha know?" exclaimed Gible.

"She's useless." Vulpix whispered to Snubbull. Snubbull nodded.

...

"You have to get out of bed." said Geodude firmly.

"Please?" Eevee pleaded.

"I can't get up!" Aipom sulked. "He was one of my best friends."

"He was my friend too, but we have to win this for him." said Geodude.

"But-," began Aipom.

"No buts." Geodude said.

"ATTENTION ALL CAMPERS! REPORT TO THE STAGE IMMEDIATELY!" shouted Absol over the ever-so-annoying intercom.

"Well, now you have no choice." Eevee said.

...

"When did this stage get here?" wondered Natu.

"This island is bigger than you think." said Salamence.

"Wow. Thissssss isssss a niccccccce ssssssstage." hissed Seviper.

"Thanks." said Absol slowly. "Well, anyways, today's challenge is a talent show!"

He pressed a button that made fanfare come from the speakers.

"Ooooh!" Cyndaquil squealed. "Me and Squirtle could do a DUET together!"

Squirtle blushed. "I guess. I don't have many talents anyway."

"Me and Spearow could do an air dance!" Natu said.

"Yeah, that's a good idea."

"And I want a million dollarssssssssssss." Seviper hissed. "But obvioussssssly that won't happen if we keep talking."

"Thank you, Seviper. Three things." Absol began. "It has to be legal-,"

"COME ON!" Snubbull shouted.

"-Everyone is competing-," Absol continued.

"COME ON!" Zorua exclaimed.

"-And everyone has one hour." Absol finished.

"COME THE -BLEEP- ON!" Houndour cursed.

"Now get to it!" Salamence bellowed as everyone disspersed.

...

Golett, Drilbur, Oshawott, and Torchic were walking near each other.

"What are you planning to do for the talent show?" Drilbur asked Golett.

"What are _you_ doing, Oshawott?" Torchic wondered at the same time.

"Carving sculptures." They said at the exact same time. Surprised, they looked at each other.

"What do you mean, you're carving?" Oshawott said. "I'm carving."

"I guess you will have to find another talent, then." Golett said.

Oshawott narrowed her eyes and gestured to her razor shell. "This baby can cut things, no competition. What do you have, your brain?"

Golett walked over to a tree and held up his fists. "I can do this."

He began rapidly shaping the tree into an exact replica of himself. Oshawott growled. "You're a Ground Ghost Pokemon. Why do you use your fists?"

"My father was an artist, an he had to use the only resources he had." said Golett, holding up his fists.

Oshawott growled again and stormed off. Golett smirked and stalked off.

_"That little..." Oshawott fumed._

...

Torchic turned to Drilbur. "That was awkward."

"Yeah..."

They looked at each other for a while.

"So... Hi." said Drilbur.

"Hi." said Torchic.

...

Lotad sat under a tree, writing in her diary (the best she could, I should say). Vulpix sat nearby, sipping on a Poffin milkshake Gible stole from Kangaskhan's kitchen for her. She was hatching evil plans as Pidove landed on a branch above her.

"Hey, Lotad." he said, cheerfully.

Startled, Lotad shut her diary quickly. "Pidove, you scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry..." said Pidove, looking at his talons awkwardly.

"It's okay." said Lotad, hoping she didn't hurt Pidove's feelings. "What's up?"

Pidove looked perky again. "Well, I wanted you to be my assistant for my magic show."

"A magic show assistant? I'd love to!"

Vulpix nearly choked on her drink. _Love?_ thought Vulpix._ Oh HELL no._

"Great!" Pidove cheered, doing an aerial flip in the air. "It's doesn't involve too much, so don't worry. Only holding props and getting sawed in half-,"

Lotad dropped her diary in shock, which opened. Quickly she picked it up, shut it, and continued. "Sawed in HALF?"

Pidove flew down to her. "It's an ILLUSION! I didn't mean to scare you!"

Lotad calmed down. "Right. I knew that."

Vulpix decided she wanted to take a peak in Lotad's diary. She proceeded to throw her voice (an imitation of Gible), "Lotad! Gible! Don't sit around! Uff da! Get to your talent!... Don'tcha know."

Pidove gasped. "We should get to it! Follow me!" He flew off quicky.

"Wait up!" shouted Lotad, waddling as fast as she could.

Vulpix sauntered to Lotad's diary and opened it. She then felt an evil leer spread across her face. _Perfect. I have an idea._

Meanwhile, Zorua was watching behind a tree. "Interesting. She's more of a schemer than I gathered."

...

It was soon 5 o' clock, and everyone gathered around the stage. Only Salamence was standing there.

"Where is the annoying host we all hate so much?" asked Houndour.

"He'll be here in a moment." said Salamence, frowning. "And you get points deducted from your performance."

"WHAT?" Houndour protested, his jaw dropping. "BUT-,"

"If you say anything more, you lose more." Salamence said. Houndour stomped away from the stage.

Absol ran up the stairs quickly. "Sorry I'm late, everyone. I was just-,"

"Late." Zorua said with a smirk on her face.

"One point deducted." said Salamence. Houndour looked as if he was going to explode.

_"I HATE Salamence!" Houndour dithered._

...

"First up is Turtwig." announced Absol.

"Why do I got first AGAIN?" protested Turtwig.

"That's a point deducted." said Salamence.

"What?" Turtwig protested again.

"Two."

Turtwig shut up and got up on stage. She was wearing a pink tutu and nodded to a Kricketune offstage. He began to play a slow, beautiful tune, and Turtwig began to dance. Mostly everyone was impressed.

"Let's see what Salamence thought." said Absol, gesturing to his co-host.

He held up a five. Fuming, Turtwig stormed offstage.

_The NERVE of that guy!" Turtwig shouted, punching a hole in the confessional. Suddenly, her eyes widened. "Oh sh-,"_

...

The next contestant to perform was Golett, who made another sculpture of himself. Oshawott got up and deformed it with her shell.

"What the HELL?" shouted Golett.

Oshawott smiled innocently. "Oops."

Salamence gave them a 7. Next up was Aipom, who began to swing on a stable stage light.

"What the hell is he doing?" Tyrogue asked Spearow.

"He's Aipom." He replied. "You should begin to expect this."

Suddenly, Aipom's head bobbed up, and he said (very quickly) his alphabet backwards: "Z-Y-X-W-V-U-T-S-R-Q-P-O-N-M-L-K-J-I-H-G-F-E-D-C-B-A!"

Everyone was silent. But then, wild applause erupted.

"What the hell is going on?" Snubbull asked Vulpix.

"I think everyone is impressed Aipom could memorize something." Vulpix said cooly. Snubbull snorted with laughter.

Aipom got a 6. Next was Eevee, who began to do gymnastics. At the sight of this, Aipom fainted. Eevee ran offstage to wake him up, and she got a 7.

Spearow and Natu, holding hands, walked onstage. They proceeded to go airborne, floating around and doing flips and other assorted tricks. It was good until Spearow ran headfirst into a stagelight.

"SPEAROW!" Natu shrieked.

He fell, and was carried to the infirmary.

"I'd give them a 6, because it would've been better if he didn't screw up and if their was background music."

"Picky!" said Absol, his usual annoying self.

_"Ow." said Spearow miserably. He then looked at the hole Turtwig made. "What the hell?"_

...

_"Salamence is going harder on us than I thought he would." said Zorua. "But I'd think he'd like it, the nosy bastard he is. Just wait and see."_

_..._

Seviper was up next, and she sang a Russian song.

"What was that?" Absol asked.

"It was a Russssssssssssian ssssssssong." Seviper answered.

"How do you know Russian?" asked Absol.

Seviper began to speak in a Russian accent. "Becaussse Sssseviper did sssstintssss in Mosssssscow while my owner got wasssssted."

"6." Salamence said. "And TMI."

Seviper slithered off stage and the magic show duo got up.

"I am the Great Pidini!" shouted Pidove. There was a fair amount of applause (except for jeers from Vulpix and Snubbull). "And this is my amazing sidekick, Lotad!"

Lotad took a bow (the best she could) and stood back. Pidove then continued.

"For my first trick..." He proceeded to pull a deck of cards out of nowhere. "A card trick!" He flew to Absol and asked him to pick a card. Absol did so, but dropped it.

"How about another card?" Pidove asked, not showing his anxiety. Absol did, but accidentally knocked the whole deck over. Pidove was trying to hide his frustration, and Absol was trying to hide his surprise.

"I haven't had bad luck since the summer of ninth grade!" protested Absol.

Spearow (who was sporting head gauze) spoke up. "What happened?"

"Well, there was this one time in band camp-," Absol began innocently.

"NEVER MIND."

Pidove picked up all of the cards by this point and was asking Salamence to pick a card. He did and gave the card back to Pidove, who put the card back in the pile, shuffled, and threw it into a fire that Lotad had made (with Cyndaquil's help).

Absol's eyes widened. "You make him pick a card just so you can burn it? And there's a FIRE on my STAGE?"

Pidove turned to him, no longer hiding frustration. "I'm getting to it!"

Absol shut up. Pidove turned to the audience (in his usual cheerful attitude) and announced that Salamence's card would magically appear, but he didn't say how.

Pidove hovered back to Salamence and asked him to stand up.

"Okay, but I don't see what this has to do with anythi-,"

"Look in your chair." Pidove said. Salamence did and saw his card.

"Holy crap." Salamence whispered in awe.

Pidove did a few more amazing tricks and was finished.

"I'd give that an 8.5!" Salamence said happily.

Content, Pidove flew back to his seat. Lotad was about to as well, but Salamence stopped her.

"Lotad, did he REALLY cut you in half?" asked Salamence.

She smirked. "A magician never reveals his secrets."

Salamence gaped. "But-,"

"My lips are sealed."

"Let's see if Snubbull, Gible, and Spheal can beat that!" Absol said, still worrying about his bad luck.

The trio did a dance to Bayleef Spears' "Hit Me Baby One More Time". Cyndaquil used a twig lying around as a lighter, and was swaying back and forth with Squirtle.

Salamence (hiding his crush on Bayleef) gave them a 7.5.

Houndour was next. He got up on stage, and Salamence immediately called it lame. Houndour snapped.

"Oh, excuse me, Mister Spears, but I don't think my act has started yet, so how about you shut your little -BLEEP- mouth and shut the -BLEEP up and WATCH!"

Everyone was silent.

"I give that an 8." Absol said. "That takes balls."

Salamence was twitching in anger. "Do you want to say that again, Roy Sullivan?"

"If you are talking about the guy who got struck by Zapdos 7 times in a row, then I'll just ignore you and move on to the comedy routine!" avoided Absol (who obviously didn't have as big of balls as Houndour).

_"Thank god for that." said Houndour. "I didn't come up with a talent, and that just saved my ass. If that didn't happen, I'd probably sock Tyrogue. I hate that guy. It all started at Jhoto High when he stuffed that poor Hoppip into my locker, and I got the blame for it! ME! Then there was that one time in sixth period, oh I hated that class-,"_

...

Speaking of Tyrogue, he went next with a comedy routine.

"You know, I juat realized yesterday that my mom doesn't like me much. She always calls me a son-of-a-bitch, and yet, she doesn't see the irony of the insult."

Everyone except for Riolu and Spheal (due to bad language issues) began to laugh.

Tyrogue continued. "And there was this one time where my mom gave me the birds-and-the-bees talk and she told me sex wasn't the answer. And I said, 'Yes! For once I agree with you! Sex isn't the answer, it's the question. The answer is YES!'"

Everyone was roaring by now (except for the two mentioned before). Riolu spoke up. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY, THIS IS STUPID!"

Tyrogue broke character. "Oh yeah? Let me see you be funny, eh? We'll laugh at you failing!"

"That's what everyone is doing right now!" Riolu retorted, resulting in "Oooh Burn!"s from the audience.

"Your mama's teeth are so YELLOW that I can't believe it's not butter!" Tyrogue shouted. The auidence roared.

"Your mama is so fat when she wears a yellow shirt and goes jogging, the kids run away, screaming, "IT'S THE SUN! THE WORLD IS ENDING!"

More laughter emerged. Both contestants were forced to sit down by Absol (due to time time constraints). They were both given a 9.5.

_Houndour is laughing. "Holy SHIT, that was funny!"_

_..._

After Geodude lifted weights, Sableye did poses, and Illumise danced, the duo of Squirtle and Cyndaquil got on stage and Endless Love began to play.

Squirtle: My love  
>There's only you in my life<br>The only thing that's right

Cyndaquil: My first love  
>You're every breath that I take<br>You're every step I make

_Both: _And I, I want to share  
>All my love with you<br>No one else will do  
>And your eyes<br>They tell me how much you care  
>Oh, yes you will always be<br>My endless love

Squirtle: Two hearts, two hearts that beat as one  
>Our lives had just begun<p>

Cyndaquil_:_ Forever, I'll hold you close in my arms  
>I can't resist your charms<p>

Both: And love, I'll be a fool for you  
>I'm sure<br>You know I don't mind  
>You know I don't mind<p>

Squirtle: 'Cause you, you mean the world to me  
>Oh, I know, I know I found in you<br>My endless love

Cyndaquil: Oh, and love, I'll be that fool for you  
>I'm sure<br>You know I don't mind

Both: You know I don't mind

And yes, you'll be the only one  
>'Cause no one can't deny<br>This love I have inside  
>And I'll give it all to you<br>My love  
>My endless love<p>

The audience "awww"'d and went crazy. Vulpix and Snubbull growled. Gible just stared, appreciating what they did, but knowing they are still threats. Spheal (being the naive girl she is) clapped heartily. Zorua was silent.

The duo got a 9.5 and shared their first kiss on national television.

_Squirtle's mouth was foaming._

_..._

_"AMAZING!" squealed Cyndaquil._

Next, Vulpix got up there and pulled out a guitar.

"I would like to thank my owner, Daphne, for those unecessary but now useful guitar lessons. This song is called... Secret Love."

_Why is she looking at ME? _wondered Lotad, but she soon found out.

(NOTE: This song is at a medium speed, G Major (if anyone is music savant) and contains juicy information. Enjoy!)

Vulpix: _I love a special someone, but he's a dumb old twit  
>Yes, I love a silly, dumb one, but the ring will sure soon fit<br>Because someday, oh yes someday, this Lotad will feel love  
>Because that love is not a blue jay, it's a bird named Pidove<em>

Lotad was gaping in shock. Pidove was flattered, but also surprised.

He leaned over and whispered to Lotad. "I wonder who the girl is in that song. Sounds like you."

Lotad ran off. Pidove was dumbfounded.

_"I can't believe that bitch!" shouted Lotad, tears streaming down her blue face. "How did she find out? I kept it subtle!"_

_..._

_"Was it something I said?" Pidove wondered. "She just ran off after I... Oh sh-,"_

...

Zorua was the last to go. She walked up on stage, took a deep breath, and said, "I know more than you think."

There was silence after that. "Like what?" asked Spearow.

"I know somethings that would shock people, like the fact that I know that Vulpix read Lotad's diary."

Vulpix froze in fear and anger. She looked up to Zorua. "How the hell did you know?"

Zorua smirked. "That's the beauty of it. I'm not telling."

Suddenly, Zorua began to glow. She became taller, her face became longer, red claws sprouted, and she grew a long, red mane with black highlights, tied up in a blue ring.

"Well, looky here." said Zoroark calmly. "I evolved into a Zoroark."

"That's the second episode in a ROW!" Absol exclaimed.

"And look who cares!" Salamence said. "Oh, that's right. NO ONE DOES."

Absol charged down the stairs and tripped. He ended up in a pitiful mess at the bottom of the stairs.

"Stupid luck." whined Absol. "My team wins, Salamence, campfire ceremony."

Salamence shrugged. "Whatever. I can't be mad, knowing that made my day."

Absol growled.

"Wait, where's Drilbur and Torchic?" wondered Spearow.

...

Torchic was panting as Drilbur took a break from their long make out session.

"Damn, Torchic." Drilbur whistled. "That was HOT!"

Torchic smiled in a suave manner. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"Well, I gotta go." said Drilbur, waving. "Don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Okay." was Torchic's response. "Goodbye, sexy."

...

Salamence held up a plate full of Soothe Bells.

"You know the drill. First one goes to Vulpix, followed by Snubbull, Geodude, Aipom, Eevee, Houdour, Oshawott, Turtwig, Seviper, Gible, and Zoroark."

They got their Soothe Bells, leaving Drilbur, Torchic, and Spheal.

"Torchic and Drilbur didn't show up." Salamence continued. "And Spheal... you're just yourself. I'm sorry to say it, but Spheal... You are out."

Spheal fell off her log. "WHAT? But HOW?"

"You're not a strong player, so I felt as if we needed to get rid of the weakest link." said Vulpix.

Spheal suddenly began to get angry. "How could you?"

Snubbull shrugged. "Sorry, kiddo."

Gible was shocked. "I didn't..."

Spheal waddled over to Gible and said, "Kick their asses." she then promptly left.

_"I can't BELIEVE them!" shouted Spheal. "That was traitorous. Vulpix, Snubbull, I hope you fall off a cliff or something. That would make my life. Gible, this is all yours. If anyone else wins, I don't care. I'm out of here."_

_..._

Gible waddled over to Vulpix and Snubbull.

"I knew you were just USING her." she spat.

"Use is a strong word." said Snubbull.

"But she was useless, and we had enough." said Vulpix, not caring at all.

"Am I the only one who treated her with respect?" asked Gible.

The two girls looked at each other. "Yeah, I guess." said Snubbull.

"But she's gone, so get over it." said Vulpix.

Gible waddled off. Golett was staring after her. "This may be a problem." he whispered to Drilbur, who nodded.


	8. Darumaka and Croagunk's Jamboree: Part 1

Since I might not get around to another season, I might as well do one now. Enjoy!

Darumaka and Croagunk's Jamboree! Part One

Croagunk woke up one morning to see an envelope in front of his door to him and Darumaka.

He opened the envelope and gasped.

"Darumaka!" he shouted. "Wake up! You have GOT to see this!"

The Zen Charm Pokemon stumbled out of his room. "What? What is it?"

"LOOK!"

Inside was a letter addressed to both of them from Absol. It read,

Dear Darumaka and Croagunk,

We've chosen you two contestants to be the hosts of the aftermath show, since you didn't have much camera time anyway.-

"How nice." said Darumaka happily.

-It was either you two or the annoying Glameow, the barfing Buizel, the emotional Kabutops, or the naïve Spheal. It was not a hard decision.-

"Well GEE." said Darumaka sarcastically. "That makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside."

-There's a TV studio somewhere on the Loser Island. What, you expect me to tell you where it is? I chose you guys, isn't that enough? Whatever, just gather all of the losers and get going!

-Absol

Croagunk was freaking out. "Oh god. I hate cue cards. I'm going to embarrass myself. AGAIN!"

"Dude, I don't think we'll have to read off cue cards." said Darumaka. "I mean, it's a reality TV show, not a chef documentary about some bitchy Kangaskhan."

Croagunk laughed. "Thanks, bro."

...

"In 5... 4... 3... 2..." shouted the cameraman, pointing silently where the "1" would go.

They were live. Darumaka and Croagunk were sitting in comfy red and purple chairs on a stage with their title above them.

"Welcome to Darumaka and Croagunk's Jamboree!" cheered Croagunk nervously.

"That's a stupid name." drawled Glameow offstage.

Darumaka glared off stage. "And look who's here."

"Let's welcome the contestants!" said Croagunk, still nervous. "First up is Glameow!"

"The bitch Pokemon." murmured Darumaka.

"DUDE!"

"Sorry."

Glameow walked onstage, getting fair applause (and a few boos). "Great ta be here, ya'll."

"Next is Buizel!" Darumaka said, unenthusiastically.

He walked onstage, actually looking confident. He also got fair applause (and some hecklers). "Hey guys. I had surgery."

"How interesting." said Croagunk, losing most of his nerves. "Next we have... Kabutops!"

Kabutops walked onstage, receiving the most applause of the three who appeared. He bowed and waved to the audience.

"And last, but certainly not least, Spheal!" shouted Croagunk.

To their surprise, a different looking Pokemon waddled on, closely resembling a sea lion. It was blue, had a shorter tail, tusks growing from its jaw, and thick whisker protruding from the sides of its face .

"What happened to Spheal?" asked a now-calm Buizel.

"I evolved." said the Pokemon. "It was after my final words. I'm now a Sealeo."

"I'm guessing you just got here?"

"Yup."

"Looking good." said Darumaka coolly. Sealeo blushed and waddled to her seat. "Before the other interviews, let interview ourselves, shall we, Croagunk?"

Croagunk was startled. "Okay, I guess so. How are you?"

"Good. You?"

"Nervous. Since we didn't do much on the show, we don't have much history to look at. And nobody really cares who voted us off, so let's interview Glameow."

The audience applauded as Glameow took her seat next to the hosts.

"Salutations, Croagunk." said Glameow. "Darumaka."

"Good to see you." said Croagunk.

"Not really." said Darumaka.

Croagunk shot him a look and continued, "So how are you?"

Glameow shrugged. "I dunno. Considerin' Vulpix and Snubbull spread 'round a false rumor that got me voted off and hated by ev'ryone, I think I feel better."

There was an awkward silence. "Wonderful!" said Darumaka with fake enthusiasm.

"Oh, hush up, ape." hissed Glameow. Darumaka sat back in his chair, miffed.

Croagunk broke the silence. "Anyways, let's look at who voted you off-,"

"Everyone?" asked Glameow.

"R-right." said Croagunk, regaining his nerves. "Let's look at your history. Take it away, Porygon 2!"

A Porygon 2 came onstage to some applause.

"Thank you, thank you." drawled the Virtual Pokemon. "Now let's look at the history of Glameow-,"

"Boring!" shouted Darumaka. Porygon turned to face him, shaking a bit.

"Watch it, APE." he seethed. He calmed down and continued in his regular, calm voice. "Glameow appeared the island in Episode 1 and immediately had a disagreement with Vulpix, which turned into a miniature rivalry. In Episode 2, she ran in the race and didn't win. In Episode 3, Glameow hypnotized Vulpix and was in Geodude's video group, which came to no avail. In Episode 4, she whined about Spearow winning and was voted off due to a false rumor spread around faster than the Rattata Plague. It's a shame, really. If it weren't for the obvious hatred circling between the two Pokemon, she'd still be in the game. Whatever, I'm not one to talk, considering I didn't get accepted onto the show in the first place. They thought I was... boring."

"Thanks." said Glameow slowly and sardonically.

"Now, let's play Question or WATERFALL!" cheered Darumaka.

"It's simple." said Croagunk. "Answer the question without lying, or get soaked. Do you REALLY hate Vulpix?"

"Of course I do!" shouted Glameow! SPLASH! "That wasn't a lie, jerks!" she shivered.

"Don't look at me." said Croagunk defensively. "It was his idea."

Darumaka grinned mockingly. Glameow hissed with anger and leaped for Darumaka. Everyone was cheering (except for Croagunk, of course).

"We'll be back after this commercial break!" said Croagunk hastily.

...

When the show went back on the air, Glameow was duct-taped to her chair. Darumaka was hyperventilating in his chair. "Don't mess with her."

"Watch it, APE."

"That's the THIRD TIME-"

Croagunk interrupted. "Let's bring out Buizel!"

Buizel walked to the same chair Glameow sat in earlier and sat down. "Great to be here."

"So, you got surgery?" asked Croagunk.

"Yeah, so now I can't vomit." said Buizel, patting his belly.

"Hooray, hooray." said Darumaka. "Let's see who voted you off."

"EVERYONE." said Porygon-2.

Buizel hung his head. "Damn."

"History?" asked Croagunk.

"In the first episode, he barfed. In the second episode, he threw up. In the third episode... you get the idea."

"Whatever." shrugged Buizel. "I hope I get accepted into the next season, that's all I can say. I want to step my game up, you know?"

Darumaka said, "Yeah, yeah- THINK FAST!" and Flame Fang'd Buizel in the stomach. He immediately held his mouth and ran offstage. A puking sound was heard. "So the surgery was a no-go?"

"NOT COOL." said the poor puker offstage.

"Let's welcome Kabutops!" said Croagunk, trying to veer away from the awkward that was seeping in.

Kabutops walked onstage and sat down. "Hey guys. Long time, no see."

"Looking great, bro." said Darumaka honestly.

"Thanks." said Kabutops, scratching his scythes.

"So how did you react to Illumise and Sableye?" asked Croagunk.

"To be honest, I was mad as all-get-out. I'm not kidding. It's hard for me to get girls, to be honest. I mean, I was a 16 year old Kabuto in high school, II should've evolved by then, don't you think?"

There was cheering, and a girl in the audience screamed, "I love you!"

"I wasn't mad at Illumise, because I understood that's what she wanted. I'm still not sure why I was mad at Sableye, jealousy I guess. But Geodude and Aipom were there for me, even though you didn't see them that much. Aipom usually avoids cameras, but he's gotten better, as I can see."

"How did you feel about getting voted off 5th?" asked Darumaka.

Kabutops sighed. "Well, I wasn't sure why at all, but I saw footage and found out that Vulpix did that spineless thing. At least I know that I went out knowing that I had some friends. Like Buizel said, I hope to come back for another season."

"Cool." said Croagunk. "Since we know how you were voted off, let's see your history."

Porygon-2 perked up a little. "In Episode 1, you came to the island and fell in love with Illumise. The next episode, you tried to hook up with her, but she revealed her feelings for Sableye. But Sableye didn't exactly think that at first. Kabuto then went to his friends, who teased him a little, where we found out he uses the wrong terms. Much to his chagrin, Kabuto was put on a separate team from his girl and Sableye. In Episode 3, Kabuto was in a film with Aipom, Zorua, and Drilbur about the RageCandyBar, which was okay, but wasn't persuasive. In Episode 4, He couldn't hang on to his rope due to laughing at Sableye falling, causing Spearow to win. In his second to last episode, he got in a fight with Sableye, backed up by his buddy, Geodude. Aipom broke it up by saying he was full, which caused commotion. Aipom then learned about the fight and revealed a dark secret; he lost his brother to a fight he got into. In Kabuto's final episode, which was centered mostly around him, he comes to regret hooking up with Vulpix's alliance with Seviper in the previous episode, and he gains his friends trust again. He loses his fight and wakes up in the infirmary to Vulpix wanting to make plans. Kabuto and Seviper reveal their resignation, and Vulpix loses it. Kabuto then curses her out and evolves into his current form, Kabutops. He then proceeded to beating the living crap out of her and running away. The "cute couple" was watching outside and, while Pidove was watching, broke up. Pidove told Kabutops, and was voted off, due to Vulpix switching the votes. Illumise then kissed Kabutops and he left, revealing that he was no longer mad at Sableye and that he was sorry."

"Biggest paragraph EVER." said Darumaka, gaping.

"Well, guess who just broke the fourth wall?" asked Croagunk. "Anyways, that you, Kabutops."

"No, thank you." he said, bowing again and walking to his seat.

"We will be right back with Sealeo's interview!" announced Croagunk.

...

When the show came back on the air, Sealeo was sitting in the interviewee chair patiently.

"Welcome back to Darumaka and Croagunk's Jamboree!" Darumaka cheered. "And let's please welcome... Sealeo!"

Sealeo gained a lot of applause (due to a Spheal cult following that had developed among Pokemon). Sealeo nodded to the audience. "Thank you."

"So, you evolved." said Darumaka. Sealeo blushed.

"I did." she gushed. "I feel as though I have become smarter in the process."

"You seem smarter." flirted Darumaka. Sealeo giggled.

"Thank you. You don't look to bad, yourself." said Sealeo.

Croagunk rolled his eyes. "Do you regret joining Vulpix's alliance?"

Sealeo laughed. "Hell yeah."

Croagunk smiled. "Why did you join in the first place?"

"My former self was very naive." said Sealeo. "I made many mistakes. The only one I trust is Gible. She has been there for me ever since I joined. She has been a mentor, so to speak. I really hope she wins, or beats Vulpix and Snubbull. Those traitors!"

Darumaka nodded. "I found out that Vulpix got me to get mad at Geodude and beat him up. The nerve!"

Sealeo gasped. "I didn't know about that!"

Darumaka chuckled. "So... how is Geodude?"

"Fine, I guess. I don't really know." Sealeo shrugged.

"So, let's see who voted you off." said Croagunk.

"Everyone but Gible, Geodude, Eevee, and Aipom." said Porygon-2.

"Wow, I didn't know they didn't-," began Sealeo.

"But you were outnumbered anyway." said Porygon-2. "I assume you want to hear your history?"

"Not really." said Sealeo.

"Too bad. In Episode 1, you arrived and you acted dumb. In Episode 2, you joined Vulpix's alliance and lost the race. In Episode 3, you didn't make a video because you were trying to wake up Vulpix."

"To NO avail." said Sealeo.

Porygon-2 shrugged. "In the next episode, you fell in the water and helped spread a rumor to get Glameow off."

"Thanks, Sealeo." said Glameow, sarcastically.

She shrugged. "I was a stupid pawn, don't blame me."

"Don't interrupt, please." said Porygon-2, shaking a bit. "In Episode 5, you got full of food and convinced Kabuto and Seviper to join your alliance. In Episode 6, Spheal, who didn't seem like a threat to the Golett alliance-,"

"Wait a minute, Golett alliance?" asked Sealeo. "I never-"

"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!" shouted Porygon-2. He calmed and continued. "Anyways, besides cheering Snubbull on and learning you had a hatred of curse words and someone spike a Poffin of yours once upon a time, you weren't really that important. In your final episode, you saw a Butterfree, danced to a Bayleef Spears song, and got voted off, because no one liked you." Sealeo wanted to interrupt, but she stopped herself. "You then learned that Vulpix and Snubbull were using you and that Gible actually cared fir you, so you lost your naive persona and told her to kick their asses. I think you gained some ratings, I must say."

"Thank you?" asked Sealeo awkwardly.

"No, thank you." said Croagunk, grinning evilly as he pressed a button that caused Sealeo to fly out of her chair through the ceiling.

Darumaka gasped. "You BASTARD."

Croagunk grinned. "See you next time on Darumaka and Croagunk's Jamboree!"

"Be sure to watch TPI!" said Buizel, holding a bucket in his lap.

"Quiet, you." mumbled Darumaka. "And thank you for watching. Until next time, D and C are out."

"Me too, I guess." said Porygon-2.

The camera shut off.

...

Well, gosh. That was unexpected. Kinda. Eh, whatever.

I hope you guys enjoyed it, and I'd appreciate some criticism. Note that criticism doesn't include trolling, as it is called nowadays.

Sealeo: Please review!


End file.
